Eat and be satisfied

Eat and be satisfied

Thursday, September 11, 2014

You can't be friend zoned if you want friendship

Marc from the UK responds to my last post:
I have to be honest, the "friend zone" concept that seems to be prevalent in today's culture (particularly American culture) is a little strange to me. Perhaps it's just a cultural thing.. But I don't find it useful to look at things in that way, this is why:
I agree that believing you can win a girls' affection by being a good girlfriend is a myth, and I've often witnessed a "nice guy" who's chasing a girl that isn't into him, the more he does for her the more she loses respect for him.
However, I believe that developing a friendship with someone you're interested in is a good thing. It seems that in US culture (I've never lived in the US but I went to an American school in Germany for a year) when a guy is interested, he'll often make his intention known straight away and ask the girl out on a "date". The issue I see with this is that often an individual will form romantic relationships very quickly with a person they barely know, most of the time it will end just as quick. Sometimes this causes a lot of heartache and hurt.
I think that by getting to know someone before you jump into a relationship can most often tell you whether the relationship is worth pursuing. Sometimes you will realize there just isn't that much chemistry, the attraction will wane. Or you realize the person is simply not someone you can really picture yourself with in the long run after seeing a little more of them. 
Furthermore, as you mentioned "In high school, I found out how easy it is for attraction to develop between a guy and girl who share a lot with each other." Often attraction doesn't happen for both parties simultaneously, feelings can develop over time and rushing the friendship step by putting someone under pressure with an advance very early on and then walking away when they say no can sometimes ruin a potentially good thing. Of course, if you do develop a friendship in someone that you are interested in they might turn you down eventually. They may simply not be attracted to you in that way. I'm not sure you have put yourself in the "friend zone". It just means she's just not that into you.
I completely agree that "Being a man means not being casual, flippant, or covert about building emotional intimacy with a woman." But like you said, if ultimately rejection can result in a good friendship that can be a great thing. I don't think there's anything covert about first building a friendship with someone you may be interested in- if you do eventually clearly demonstrate to her how you feel. And with any relationship, if you avoid losing the other persons respect by becoming a "lil' bitch" by waiting on her hand and foot but rather develop a friendship that is reciprocal, I don't believe you are playing with fire in developing a friendship.. 
Let me know if you have any thoughts on this.
I agree with everything Marc writes. My issue is that he misunderstands what the friend zone is. Just because a guy has female friends does not mean he's being friend zoned. The determining factor is if he wants and is content with friendship. Making female friends as a means of determining mate potential is NOT the friend zone. Certainly friendship can result in something more significant but the friend zone means nurturing an unexpressed and unfulfilled desire for a romantic relationship. Because you're insecure about expressing your sexual desire, the friend zone devalues your friendship and emasculates you.

So of course it's a good thing to be friends with a girl you're interested in. Observing a woman in a variety of social contexts is the most effective way to get to know her. It's also the best way for her to get to know you. But the point of being friend zoned is that you're discontent with the friendship. You want something more but it's not happening and it upsets you. You only see the friendship as a vehicle to romance and if it doesn't happen, you keep hoping the ship will read your mind and alter its course.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

The Friend Zone and the Christian Male

Fake crying over fake friendship
The friend zone refers to a person's unintended relationship status. It usually begins with a man who pursues a romantic relationship with a woman by building a friendship. His failure to do so is referred to as being friend-zoned. 

Being friend-zoned implies the girl consciously chooses to plant her male girlfriend in a platonic hypostasis. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you're a guy, you chose it. If you're a Christian guy, you doubly chose it. Unintentionally or unconsciously, you made the decision to get locked up in friend prison. Here's why and some ways to break out: 

1) You're a man and that means you're not a girlfriend: Feminism minimizes the difference between men and women. Therefore, men can be friends with women the way women are friends with each other. And women can be friends with men the way men are friends with each other. Unfortunately, reality doesn't work that way. One or the other fails at some point. 

Men and women think, communicate, and behave differently but we've come under the mythology that somehow, as men, we can be a shoulder to cry on for women - the way a good girlfriend should act. And the worst mythology is that a guy thinks being a good girlfriend will make a woman want him as a boyfriend. 

Women aren't completely innocent here since they can emasculate men through friend zoning. But since I'm talking to guys, my point is as follows: If you build emotional intimacy with a woman without any expressed romantic intent, you're playing with fire - either to be friend-zoned or to emotionally prostitute yourself or both.

Being a man means not being casual, flippant, or covert about building emotional intimacy with a woman. You keep a certain emotional distance unless you decide there might be something more to pursue. In high school, I found out how easy it is for attraction to develop between a guy and girl who share a lot with each other. The experience helped me to be wary about who I was vulnerable with. 

2) You're a Christian and therefore friendship has high value:  Tucker Max unintentionally describes this beautifully in his friend zone podcast transcript:

Tucker:
So, you actually liked her as a person, is what you’re saying?


Geoff:
I liked her as a person.


Tucker:
So, women can be something besides a vagina, right?


Geoff:
Yeah!


Tucker:
And that can benefit you.


Geoff:
Guys, if you have a sister, does your sister add value to you even though you’re not—


Tucker:
No. She put me in the [brother] zone! It was total bullshit! 

Tucker Max is far more prophetic than he realizes. Our primary identity is as brothers and sisters in Christ. The relationship we have with each other as members of the body of Christ is the only enduring human relationship we will have. But being friend zoned means we rate our sexual relationships as having far greater significance than our family bond.

How can being friend zoned be a tragedy if it doesn't threaten the primary relationship you have with this person? It means you have screwed up expectations to begin with and/or you find nothing beneficial about being friends with a particular woman. She adds nothing to your life. As Tucker Max so bluntly puts it, she's just a vagina to you. Once we understand our corporate identity in Christ, it is impossible to view another person as a penis receptacle. We can learn to enjoy friendships with women because God gave us the gift of sisters.

3) You're a Christian male so make your intentions clear: Being a man means being goal-oriented and risk-averse. In Christ, we have the capacity to manifest courage, initiative, and honesty. We are not called to be disingenuous about our desires. So if you like a girl and decide to pursue her, let her know in no uncertain terms. If in the course of friendship with a woman, you develop feelings of attraction, you need to decide whether you want to risk the friendship and the possibility of rejection. If expressing romantic interest isn't worth the jeopardizing the friendship, then learn contentment and self-control (by not escalating the emotional intimacy). If it is worth it, put your interest out there and trust God for what happens. If you get rejected then deal with it, move on, or stop being friends. I received a soft rejection in college - it was a "I don't know you well enough to say yes". In that instance, I valued the friendship and knew I might have an outside chance over time so we kept in touch. Give her a chance to validate that you're the kind of person you claim to be. You never know what might happen if she gets to know you better. But it can't happen until you stop cowering behind your hidden agenda and make your intentions clear.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Who's Afraid of the Holy Spirit?

I am.

I have a lot of knowledge about the Holy Spirit. I have a biblical basis for understanding his unique role in the Trinity. I know he is present in my life and guarantees my eternal salvation. He is my counselor and he empowers all Christians. 

And yet I am afraid to talk about the Holy Spirit explicitly in daily life. I'm scared of miracles - of supernatural manifestations of the divine. I don't have 100% certainty of when I'm walking with the Spirit. I'm suspicious of people who claim to regularly experience the Spirit's power in a tangible way and the way they talk about it. I'm uncomfortable when Christians say "I felt the Spirit leading me. . ." I've always seen this lead-in as impossible to argue with and a spiritualized excuse to justify an action. 

And yet it's good to express confidence in one's faith. And Jesus does indeed promise the Spirit will guide us into truth. And there's so much biblical evidence for what the Spirit does. So I, a struggling cessationist, find myself troubled by my skepticism about the Spirit - as if I have missed out on something vital concerning the Christian life. If a Christian worship gathering is just about expounding a text and giving encouragement, how is it any different from a TED talk? Where is the manifestation of the Spirit's power?

I used to call the Holy Spirit an "it". Like the way I referred to unborn babies before I became a parent. I know now he's not an "it" but sometimes I treat him like an "it". Having been brought up and now pastoring in a non-charismatic church context, the Holy Spirit has always resembled an untamed monster that has to kept properly restrained by the confines of scripture, reason, and tradition. 

What happens if you let it loose? Havoc. Healing. Crazy things. Strange words coming out of people's mouths. People falling on the floor, slain by the invisible creature unleashed.

But if the Spirit is God then he cannot be a beast. He cannot be out of control and driven by manic impulses. So what am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of certain specific manifestations of the Spirit. I'm uncomfortable with healing, miracles, exorcisms, tongues, and prophecies. I'm not saying they're not possible. I'm not used to them and I have witnessed and heard about excesses and abuses. I don't pretend to have the discernment to know when the Spirit is leading and when He's not.

A friend lent me Francis Chan's Forgotten God (subtitle: Reversing our tragic neglect of the Holy Spirit) recently. I got through half of it and it was quite good. Chan gives a wake-up call to the church to stop neglecting the confidence, intimacy, courage, and encouragement that comes from being led by the Spirit. The third member of the Trinity wants and has so much good for us. My only concern was the book, as with some of Chan's teaching I've heard, is that it places too strong an emphasis on how the Spirit is supposed to show up in our lives. Sometimes I feel Chan talks more about activity than identity. Chan repeatedly says that if we understood the Spirit then our lives would not look the way they do. I agree but focusing on the external manifestations feels like putting the cart before the horse. Everything the Spirit offers us is a byproduct of understanding our new creation identity in Christ. Living according to our identity in Christ IS living by the Spirit. They're inseparable and this presents a far more integrated vision of how the Spirit works in our lives. It's too easy to dichotomize the different persons of the Trinity when they always operate in unison. Unfortunately, my background lopped off the third person of the Trinity so addressing any specific aspects of the Spirit is going to feel awkward as I fumble around trying put his head back on his body.

I also have a couple friends who have also been on a journey out of cessationism. They're farther along than I am and I think they're scared too because even though the Spirit is controlled, he is unpredictable. For a couple years now, I've evaded materials they've shared with me. But now I'm ready to stop running away.

And here's what I'm convinced of: Our church doesn't talk much about the Spirit. 

It's like sex. 

Sure God made it but it's bad out of the right context and therefore we should avoid talking about it unless it's about what not to do. And we talk it/him intellectually and abstractly but we rarely mention how it/him is supposed to work. But not talking about it/him doesn't mean it/he will go away. I would rather we be explicitly opposed to charismatic teaching then remaining silent and pretending he just works covertly. God shines light and this exploration is important. 

So it's time to start talking about him and how he's supposed to work. And since I have the Holy Spirit, I know I don't have to be afraid of him. What ultimately what I'm afraid of is having to change my conception of who God is. And that's both scary and exciting at the same time.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Recovering the Manhood Ritual

Lake Schmidell, Desolation Wilderness
After attending the bar mitzvah of a friend of Caleb's earlier this year, I got excited about doing some kind of manhood ritual for him.  It was my first bar mitzvah and I was deeply moved by the experience. I identified two aspects of the Jewish coming of age ceremony where the adolescent male invests in the process. First, he must sing a large section of the Old Testament in Hebrew from memory. Second, he must perform a community service project and present a report during the ceremony. There was incredible symbolism throughout the worship service. Everything is sung in Hebrew and the rabbi did a great job explaining the meaning behind the objects. The Torah is held up and people touch it as it passes to demonstrate reverence and obedience. This ceremony represented the confluence of four distinct identities: spiritual, ethnic, family, and gender. The closet Protestant equivalent is baptism, if baptism were also ethnic and gender-oriented. As a pastor, it was exciting to participate in a religious ceremony from which our faith is derived and witness the myriad ways in which our faiths are intertwined.

Three things impress me about the manhood ritual

1) The status of manhood is conferred by another: Ideally it is given by a boy's father. It can come from other male mentors and role models. But these are all surrogates for our ultimate and intended father God. But the purpose of the manhood ritual is that a male doesn't just declare himself a man one day but that one becomes a man through a rite of passage or manhood ritual. 

2) The manhood ritual involves separation, transition, and re-incorporation: Separation means saying good-bye to your former life and distancing yourself. It means you leave your childish ways behind you. The military uses boot camp and particularly hell week to create separation. Transition is the testing phase. It's where you endure pain and hardship. When you emerge, you're re-incorporated into the rest of the community. You're no longer the person you used to be.

3) A rite of passage is costly: The more a person invests in the process, the more appreciative he is of the new status. In order to make manhood meaningful, something must be given up. The South African tribal tradition of ritual circumcision can result in the death of the initiate. I'm certain it's an experience you never forget.  It helps me understand why fraternities and sororities haze their pledges - the more something costs you, the more devoted you'll be to that identity. After all, you value what you pay for.

I have no role models when it comes to these kinds of ceremonies. My dad is the most non-traditional Chinese person I've ever met as he was born in Hong Kong and raised apart from both his biological and adoptive father. He literally has no rituals that he grew up with. Consequently, he is ruthlessly pragmatic and skeptical of tradition and up until my brother and I started going to school, he never celebrated any holiday including Christmas and Chinese New Year. One year my mom forced him to buy a fake Christmas tree and my brother and I began demanding birthday presents from them at an early age.

Protestant Christianity also eschews tradition and rites of passage because we're so suspicious of anything that might reek of idolatry. Kissing a scroll as a symbolic gesture of faith is akin to burning incense in front of a statue of fat Chinese man. We're scared that anything we do might be construed as legalism. My church background is also dramatically sparse in tradition. A friend shocked me one year when she asked me to dedicate their infant child. I had never attended a baby dedication and had no idea what to say. It turned out to be a significant spiritual event that I am grateful to have been part of.

I'm not throwing Caleb the Protestant equivalent of a bar mitzvah (whatever that is) when he turns thirteen in November. But I wanted him to experience a rite of passage that would mark his foray into manhood and give him memories for years to come.  

Three years ago, I read about how Warren Buffett's father would take each of his  kids (he had three) on a trip anywhere in the country to celebrate their tenth birthday. It inspired me to want to do the same thing for each of my kids. Judy gave me the green light, so when Caleb turned ten, I told him excitedly about my idea. Unfortunately he couldn't think of anywhere to go.

In the past year, one of my friends took his twelve year old son to hike Half Dome. Another took his thirteen year old son on a five-day bike ride down the coast to Los Angeles. Another friend shared the joys he experienced backpacking the John Muir trail for two weeks just him and his dad. So recently Caleb mentioned that he'd like to do a backpacking and fishing trip. We've been backpacking a couple times before but never accompanied by dropping line. Caleb loves fishing. He doesn't even mind when we don't catch anything. I hate anything requiring attention to detail, delayed gratification, and the possibility of rejection. Fishing is all of that but learning to angle has helped build my character and my son wanted to do it. So I started planning.

I picked the Desolation Wilderness area southwest of Lake Tahoe. I went there on a five day fifty mile boy scout backpacking trip after my sophomore year of high school. I have fond memories of the excursion including breaking my finger on the third day while doing trail maintenance. For the rest of the trip I wore a yellow glove like a 1980's Asian Michael Jackson. It was definitely a rite of passage for me. I remember beaming with pride when Mr. Shough, the dad leading the trip, thanked me for helping the group navigate a treacherous snow descent. I felt so freaking manly. 

Disappointed with two pathetic little trout
Not one to have realistic expectations, I looked forward to lecturing Caleb about biblical manhood, courage, the meaning of life, philosophy, gender roles, how to talk to girls, all the kinds of things I'm an expert in. I made a list of of thirty or so ideas ranging from personal hygiene to puberty to understanding women and dispelling the soul mate mythology. I envisioned the two of us gazing at the stars while discussing Plato and open theology.

The first morning I told him we were going to do a devotional after breakfast and he did a half-grunt, half-sigh of resignation. I had barely read Genesis 1-3 when his eyes started rolling back into his head and his body language screamed wanting to crawl down a hole and die. It dawned on me that both the physical pain of the hike and the emotional pain of my lectures might overwhelm him and he might not survive to manhood. I shortened my lecture to cover the finer points of body hair and odor and we got back on the trail. 

We also got caught in a fifteen-minute storm that felt like an hour. We were knee-deep, fishing in a shallow pond when the sky darkened. There is nothing like being caught in a thunderstorm in the Sierras. When lighting strikes in the mountains, the thunder clap is deafening.  Few encounters are more terrifying (i.e. bears and avalanches). Caleb quickly learned to count the seconds between flashes and cracks to judge how far off the strikes were. 

Here's the primary manhood lesson I impressed upon Caleb over twenty miles, 2000 feet of elevation gain, and three days and two nights: As Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen once said, adventure is just bad planning. Our trip was unintentionally costly to Caleb. He learned meal rationing because I miscalculated how many freeze-dried dinners to bring. He learned to share light because I dropped and broke my headlamp in the trail head parking lot before we even got on the trail. We couldn't do a proper bear bag because the rope I brought was too short. We ended up hiding our food under large rocks and fortunately, no animals got to it. I forgot cooking oil and open fires are not allowed so we stove burnt the two little fish we caught. My poor planning offered numerous opportunities to overcome adversity. 

Caleb is excited to spend three days with his dad
Caleb is an amazingly responsible, helpful, and reliable kid. He helped with cooking, filtering water, setting up and breaking down camp, orienteering - pretty much everything and often without me asking. He is in ridiculously good shape and has great mental toughness. He did not complain at all even when his eczema flared up and his hand became a big open sore. It will be very different with my other two sons but it's nice to practice on the easy one. 

Looking back, I pretty much failed on all three aspects of the manhood ritual. Caleb didn't get a diploma, certificate or seal as a result of the trip. I doubt he remembers anything I said. The hike was strenuous but didn't cost him very much and I didn't get him involved in the preparation as much as I should have. The separation was limited and somewhat superficial. And we didn't have the deep, profound conversations I had imagined.

But it was a step.
  
I'm looking forward to taking further steps when I celebrate his next phase of manhood - high school graduation. I'm thinking to invite some other father-son friends to come along so that together we can exponentially multiply our bad planning and thus, adventure. 

When we returned to the trail head parking lot, Caleb turned around and high-fived me. We made this trip happen together as a team. Caleb and I are traveling companions to two different destinations - he strides towards manhood while I stumble around fatherhood. In this journey, if he wins so do I.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Olaf and the Negative Mood Cycle

Olaf, the gregarious but clueless snowman, does not wrestle with depression in the movie Frozen. However the actor who plays him, Josh Gad, does play an addict in the 2013 comedy Thanks for Sharing.

Thanks for Sharing has an ambitious premise. It attempts to portray the journey of three sex addicts (Gad, Mark Ruffalo, and Tim Robbins) in a humorous way. It does a decent job but the last 30 minutes are Hollywood-predictable. 

There's one main reason I would recommend watching it - Josh Gad's writing scene. Gad has the rare ability to convey insight with humor. And in about three minutes, he's able to express nonverbally exactly what it feels like to be caught in an addictive pattern. And it's hilarious too.

For the past couple weeks, I've taught about the negative mood cycle, a term coined by my seminary professor, David Eckman. The negative mood cycle describes the addictive pattern. It starts with some kind of negative emotion - boredom, depression, fatigue, or anxiety. Out of that state, a person craves some type of fulfillment to either medicate the pain of the mood or a chemical boost to push through it. The lust is either escapist or stimulating or both. The sin is the execution of the desire. To put it in spiritual terms, sin is the attempt to occupy the vacuum in our hearts that only God can fill. We may not be sex addicts but we are all sin addicts.

Gad's character, Neil, is a member of a sex recovery group but lies to them about his days of sobriety (no uncommitted sex, masturbation, or porn). His sponsor asks him to write about his addiction. In his apartment, Gad stares at the workbook and his anxiety is palpable. A few minutes later, he's masturbating to a porn scene. Then he's back staring at the blank workbook, reminded again of his inadequacy and failure. He is craving some kind of satisfaction, a chemical boost. He eats compulsively. From there, the cycle accelerates in ways that will resonate with anyone who has wrestled with sin patterns. The scene ends on a comically shocking note.

The scene works best seen in the context of the movie so you can get a sense of Gad's character. You'll also see how the addictive cycle drives one to rationalize his behavior. The addictive pattern is catalyzed and sustained by deception. The other person worth watching in the movie is Pink. She is so good. It's as if she's playing her artistic self - angsty, loud, passionate, and raw.

Critics have attacked the movie because sex addiction seems so banal compared to substance abuse. Sex is a primal urge so how can it be an addiction? But that's exactly the point of what the Bible teaches about sin and the negative mood cycle. Sin is the corruption of a good, natural desire. It is not the sin behavior itself that God abhors, it is the appetite that drives the actions. 

So whether your particular fancy is sex, porn, video games, food, shopping, paranoia, perfectionism, Korean soap operas, travel, isolation, social media whoring, work, or religious activity is not the most relevant detail. Those are windows into the addictive pattern. It's the fact of the addictive pattern that matters. We have a tendency to look to certain activities to save us from our negative moods. That is idolatry and what Jesus meant when he said the truth would set us free. He sets us free from the addictive pattern and its lies.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

7 Questions Jeremy should NOT ask Kobe

1) Can I crash on your couch tonight?

2) You know Taiwan and China are different countries right? 

I'm Taiwanese American AND Chinese American. My parents are from Taiwan but originally from mainland China. It's actually two different countries. Taiwan is recognized by the United Nations as a nation but the People's Republic of China, that is, mainland China, sees Taiwan as a renegade province. Thus, Taiwan has a big chip on its shoulder when it comes to sovereignty and foreign affairs. The two countries have this strained relationship. But it's been better recently. It's all kinda complicated. 

Kobe, why are you walking away?

3) When do you think Yellow Mamba will catch on?

4) So I read you make 900 jumpers a day. Do you ever, like, you know, do the same thing with passing?

5) Like I was wondering could we maybe work something out like for every 10th pass I give you, maybe you could send one back my way? 

I could make like one of those frequent buyer cards, I give you 10 passes, you give me one back. What? 10s not enough? OK, how about 20? 50? 100? 

6) How about we do a pre-game handshake together? 

Except instead of putting on glasses and pocket protectors, we can both pretend to sign a piece of paper and then tear it up. You know like how Vanessa did after she filed . . . . OK, you come up with something.

7) You remember that Colorado rape thing that you've put behind you? 

I can totally relate. 

OK, not the adultery thing cuz I'm not married. And not the one-night stand part because I don't do that. And no, not the sexual assault charges part either.

But see you met this girl who was crazy about you. She wants you and makes it known. I mean, she pretty much throws herself all over you. And you have this encounter, which you thought was mutually beneficial but later on, she completely turns on you. She goes insane and acts like you're her worst enemy. It's wild when someone is so high on you then later goes completely cold and stabs you in the back.

Yup, that was Houston for me.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

When Depression is Sin

Depression is not sin. That's what my wife told me in response to a statement I made during my sermon this past Sunday. I should not have categorized depression as a sin behavior. 

My wife was right. Depression is not sin. But it is often accompanied by sin. Just as it's difficult to masturbate without lustful thoughts, it's difficult to be depressed without self-hatred, mistrust, or fear.

I had been giving a talk about the negative mood cycle. For example, if confronted with a difficult writing assignment, every fiber of our being resists putting words on the page. In order to address our negative mood, we lust after some kind of solace, some chemical boost that will give us the energy we need to start working or avoid thinking about it altogether. From there, we pursue self-medicating behaviors - eating, social media, TV, pornography, video games, substance abuse, etc. Some of those behaviors are overtly sinful (porn, substance abuse) and some are only sinful when consumed as as a means of salvation. 

Depression can be, paradoxically, a type of salvation. The feeling of being depressed can act as a form of avoidance or self-medication. It is often a by-product of a certain pattern of thinking. I understand depression can have a biological/chemical foundation (ex. post-partum depression) but what we do with  our thoughts is our responsibility. We own our thoughts in the same way we own our actions.

Dan Allender, in his book The Wounded Heart, addresses adult victims of sexual abuse: 
Abuse provides the raw data that seems to prove that God is not good [emphasis his]. . . The abuse victim's fundamental enemy then, is sin: the fearful refusal is to trust a God about whom she is deceived. The Spirit of God is hard at work in her to reveal God's true nature and confront her fear and mistrust, but His work is a battle that requires her cooperation. 
Depression, like abuse, is not the fault of the victim. My aim is not to make people feel guilty or ashamed about depression. But in a similar way to abuse, depression provides the raw data that seems to prove that God is not good. That raw data can arise biologically or as a by-product of our mistrust of God. Either way, the negative emotion tempts us to turn away from God. 

I'm convinced that most types of depression are sustained by a pattern of thinking that does not acknowledge who God is and who we are in Him - new, righteous, and beloved children. 

We battle against depression, like all sin, by opening our eyes to the reality of God's nature and what Christ has accomplished on our behalf. The broken crust of wilderness is not of our choosing but where we place our trust is.