Rant of the Exiles

I hate silence Silence I hate it It is deafening To confront Selves  normally hidden Now disclosed by the Absence of noise Ego dreams haunt my waking Don’t leave me with me I would rather have sounds Of someone else  I drown in them The rising tide creeps upward Clinging to my throat And I can’t breathe Carnal ruminations  Hide deeper longing And this salacious hunger Swallows my imagination When outside volume turns down The inside volume blasts Thwarted by thoughts Murdered by musings Rage fantasies hem me in Circling like soldiers Prison guards approach Incarceration's thunder booms Silence I hate it It is deafening

God is big. However, in line with his gracious nature, he doesn’t always speak loudly, and hearing his voice can be difficult when I’m in the midst of fighting with myself. I have many voices going on in my head: the snarky contrarian, the positive Christian idealist, the relentless egomaniac, the compassionate shepherd, the curious adventurer, and more. But often the loudest voice is the inner moral critic. He’s a yeller. When I start to listen to some unhealthy streams - say the egomaniac's pining for public affirmation or the curious adventurer’s lust for exploration - and lose focus from whatever I was supposed to be doing, I stop myself, become aware of my wayward thoughts, and the shouts of the inner moral critic begin to escalate. The argument goes something like this: Curious Adventurer [watching Youtube cat fail videos]: Oh my gosh. Either these cats are really dumb or they’re totally being set up by their owners. I need to research this more. Positive