Rant of the Exiles

We look at our spouses, children, and parents as the people we love most. In every culture, marriage and blood relations are the closest bonds one can have. In Chinese culture, the most important societal building block is the family unit. That's also true in Christian culture. After all, marriage is a spiritual covenant. Our children are a gift from God to raise in the LORD. And honoring parents is the fourth commandment. In seminary I was taught to prioritize my life in the following sequence: God, family, and then ministry. I understood (at least intellectually) that my church work should not jeopardize the more important ministry of loving my wife and children. Our Bay Area Discipleship Training Conference (DTC3) this past weekend centered on the theme of how we love each other as new creations in Christ. And one of the teachers objected to the notion that family is our most important earthly relationship. Peter said: Church is the most important thing in life ...

A Time article states the obvious: A study published in the journal  Pediatrics  finds that men who become fathers around age 25 see a 68 percent increase of depression symptoms over the first five years of being dads—if they live at the same home as their children. I became a father when I was 26 and it was a quite a bummer because I was used to getting all this attention from Judy and it all ended quite abruptly. We had been counseled about the transition but nothing quite prepares you for the way a baby consumes a mother's life.  The temptation for a mom to place her children ahead of her husband exists in every culture but I believe it's worse today because moms are more isolated from community than ever. It's not good for civilization . Books and on-line forums have replaced grandma and other traditional forms of social support. Moms need other moms (especially older ones) whom they can lean on to support each other. Dads need to set boundaries around the ...

My college roommate wrote a history thesis that went on to be published in the Berkeley Undergraduate Journal. His essay concerned views of Providence from both sides of the Civil War. Providence is the belief that God will provide in one's favor despite adverse circumstances. He argued that Christian leaders from both North and the South firmly believed that God would vindicate their respective causes. He cites Abraham Lincoln's second inaugural address in 1865: Both read the same Bible and pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces; but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered. That of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has His own purposes. Lincoln acknowledged that both North and South believed that God was on their side. And it was only in the afterma...

A friend's of my wife's put on an amazing parenting workshop at our church. Her topic was talking with your kids about sex. She suggested, among other things, that as parents we can help articulate values for our kids by writing them a letter. J. R. R. Tolkien did. The author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy wrote a series of letters to his 21-year old son, Michael, after he was injured during a WWII training exercise. The longest of these letters (3000+ words), written in March 1941, deals with marriage and male-female relationships. The wisdom is every bit as applicable today as it as 70+ years ago. 1) A man and a woman cannot be "just" friends In this fallen world the 'friendship' that should be possible between all human beings, is virtually impossible between man and woman. The devil is endlessly ingenious, and sex is his favourite subject. He is as good every bit at catching you through generous romantic or tender motives...

As if Asian men, who are stereotyped as being passive, nerdy, and under-endowed, needed any more reason to feel insecure about our ability to attract women of any persuasion, here comes this article . Essentially, the obesity of white women has increased demand for thin Asian women by white men. The article is full of pictures of svelte Asian women (they're working very hard to offend you). But if you can past the over-the-top nature of the article, there is some reality here: Nowadays, the intermarriage rate is 15% overall, but it is 36% among Asian females. When Caucasian men marry Asian women, the couple is twice as likely to both be college educated and will make on average 20% more money than a white-white couple. [...] Even ten years ago, I found that it was comparatively easy to date an Asian woman or get her to respond to me online. But now, they are becoming more selective. The nation’s white guys have figured out that the biggest risk to a lifetime of mar...

Envy: a confused, tangled guide to one’s own ambitions.   - Alain de Botton This past Sunday I heard a great message on jealousy from 1 Samuel 18 and 19. Saul is king of Israel but David just defeated Goliath and is now the up and coming leader of Saul's army. David wins every battle against the Philistines. Saul gets jealous and tries to kill David. It's an age-old, tried and true formula. Envy and jealousy are synonyms. Being jealous of someone's else accomplishments is envy. To envy means to covet another person's possessions and as a result, resent the fact that you don't have what they have while hating the other person in the process.  We are susceptible to envy in the areas we find value. For men, it's work. And for pastors, there is really only one measurement of success: the number of people in your church. Numbers are tangible evidence. You can touch them. You take in the fragrance of success when you enter a crowded Sunday service. So...