Rant of the Exiles

Critical Race Theory (CRT) has been around for a long time. I pursued an education minor at UC Berkeley during the mid-1990s and Paulo Freie’s Pedagogy of the Oppressed (1968) was required reading in my ED190 class. Power dynamics is the bedrock of critical theory - the broader belief system for various types of oppression including racial, gender, socioeconomic, cognitive, disability, and sexual orientation. I vividly recall a class session where my instructor, a female graduate student, dressed in black leather, barked commands, and marched around the classroom, slapping a black riding crop on students’ desks. Her cosplay was exhibit A on the oppressiveness of traditional education. I remember classmates rolling their eyes at one another and taking it all in with amusement.  The non-role play class sessions were stimulating in other ways. We had good discussions and our instructor worked hard to treat us as peers and engage us in dialogue. This emphasis on dialogue as both a mea...

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash If what one has to say is not better than silence, then one should keep silent. - Confucius When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. - Proverbs 10:19 In this past year’s movement to promote racial and cultural awareness, it is a painful irony that we, as Asian Americans, are derided for one of the unique virtues we possess. This post is a response to slogans like "silence is complicity", for allies to appreciate the underrated value of silence particularly in Asian culture, and an encouragement for Asian Americans to experience freedom from shame and guilt when we are silent. I want to argue that silence is a valid option in a culture that places great value on the frequency, volume, and pitch of emotional self-expression. In a world of shouting and noise, silence is crucial. I am deeply grateful for my Asian American brothers and sisters who have spoken up during this unique season where a...

  Photo by  Priscilla Du Preez  on  Unsplash This is the third part in a series on unsolvable problems in marriage. Here are links to Part I and Part II . Part III addresses how to articulate one's needs when it comes to marital gridlock. John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work defines marital gridlock as perpetual conflicts over personality and value differences. We're bombarded by messages in our culture that communication solves relationship problems. But I suspect many of us, particularly men, ask ourselves: "What is the purpose of conversation? We talk a lot, it doesn't solve anything, and sometimes I wish we could just enjoy being with each other rather than airing our problems." Questions shape how we see and experience the world. If one sees the primary goal of communication as solving problems, then talking can trigger fear, sadness, and anger when we don’t detect progress, our needs aren’t being met, and every conversation is a ham...

The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. - Genesis 2:25 This is the second part of addressing unsolvable marriage conflicts. The first part is here . In this post, I'll examine the importance of unearthing hidden needs when encountering marital gridlock. This approach is based on John Gottman's research and books, in particular, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work . Recently, Judy and I disagreed about what rules to govern kids’ time and access electronic devices. We have had this parenting argument often, spanning close to two decades. It goes like this: I’m too permissive and she’s too strict. Judy sees me as the appeaser - unwilling to sacrifice momentary discomfort in order to build our kids’ self-control and attention span. I see her as the rigid and cold disciplinarian - unwilling to allow our kids the freedom to learn bound...