Women don't want to be with us


One core game principle is irrational self-confidence. This means having a belief in yourself that goes way beyond any kind of objective evidence. I heard a great example while visiting Garden City Church a couple weeks ago. Justin Buzzard is an alpha male who recently wrote a book called "Date Your Wife". I haven't read it yet but the cover is straight-up alpha. Its a finger pointed right at you. The title should have been "Date Your Wife or Perish". 

He was concluding a sermon series promoting his book and talking about having the courage to ask a girl out. When he was college student, he bemoaned the lack of casual dating at his Christian college. So he and his friend set out to start out a "dating revolution" (his term). They would ask as many girls as possible out on dates and they would repeat this mantra to themselves:

Women want to be with us.

You get rejected. It doesn't matter - just move on. Because women want to be with us. A girl ignores you. No worries - she was having a bad day. Ultimately, women want to be with us. You have a terrible time on a date and don't receive a call back. You had an off night. Women still want to be with us.

We don't fully appreciate how powerful this type of thinking is. If you're a single guy and let this thought permeate your thinking and actions, I am certain you will go on lots of dates.

But Asian guys don't think like this. Instead, we believe in rational self-confidence. We look at Justin and think "Of course he married the blond hottie - he's a tall, handsome, athletic, and charismatic white guy. I'm the total opposite."

An Asian guy whose parents are engineers rationally calculates the sum of all his encounters of the female kind, all the positive attention he's received from women, all the dating experiences he's had, etc. And he realizes it doesn't amount to much at all. And he logically determines that he has no objective reason to believe women want to be with him.  And so the mantra of the Asian male becomes:

Women don't want to be with us.

A girl takes an interest in you. Be suspicious. Because women don't want to be with us. You're dating a girl but wonder what's going to happen so you sabotage the relationship by second guessing her intentions. Seriously right, women don't want to be with us. A girl talks to you but you suspect its out of pity. Naturally, since women don't want to be with us.

And everything that happens in our interactions with women is filtered through this lens, even the positive experiences. The problem with rational self-confidence is that it is really masquerading as an irrational lack of self-confidence. We're not quite as logical and objective as we'd like to think. Whichever view you ascribe to becomes self-fulfilling.

We may shy away from positive thinking because of its popularity and lack of substance. But positive thinking is popular because it has truth and it is powerful. Worse yet, we don't realize we're blinded to the consequences of negative thinking. We think we're being rational but we're every bit as crazy as the irrationally confident person. Its just not working out as well for us.

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