Rant of the Exiles

An atheist is someone who denies the existence of God. This is different from an agnostic - someone who is unsure or undecided about the existence of God. And my point is the average atheist is smarter than the average Christian. And its mainly because you have to be intelligent and well-educated to qualify for atheism. There’s a couple different reasons for this. First statistically, let’s say the U.S. has around five to six million atheists whereas there are at least a hundred million professed Christians in this country. So when you're talking about atheists, its a pretty small sample size relative to the number of Christians. Its also hard to identify atheists because they don’t usually have some short of regular gathering. What I’m saying is there are probably ten times as many smart Christians as there are smart atheists but there’s just so many other Christians who are not smart and they bring the curve down. But most of all, its because atheism is an intellectual lux...

I've been in the Chinese church for a long time. It's not easy at times. I often wrestle with feelings of contempt towards Chinese culture. Like many immigrant churches, we have lunch together after worship service on Sundays. It is a loud, disorganized, chaotic affair. Both children and elderly push and shove their way to the front of the line for pizza. It could be the scene in some developing country. As an Americanized Asian, I survey the traditional Chinese dining experience with disdain and revulsion. Why do Chinese people have to eat and talk so loud? How come dining ambiance doesn't matter more? Today was a little bit of a breakthrough. The sisters group of our church, composed mostly of first-generation stay-home moms, invited me to join them for their hot pot lunch. I used to hate hot pot. But recently, its been making a personal comeback. I always thought it was revolting to deal with raw food. And even more disgusting to have to fish around for it with ever...

While we stayed at my parent’s house (they were gone on vacation), a contractor friend from church and his team completely redid our kitchen/family room in 12 days. It was a frenzied process but they did a fabulous job. Our contractor is overseas-born Chinese and so are all the vendors he works with. The Chinese approach to remodeling has an interesting value premise – to maximize broad appeal at minimal cost. That means a kitchen product should look expensive but be extremely cheap to purchase. The other aspect to status appeal is that the product should be popular - the more common the look, the greater the appeal. Chinese people don’t like being different. For example, the Chinese cabinet store has only five different cabinet styles/colors. We were encouraged to upgrade to cherry-style because guests will notice how classy and costly they look. In response to a color choice, our friend responded, “White is hard to clean. Only Americans who don’t cook pick that”. That’s the las...

I am constantly in awe of how adoption is intricately woven through the gospel. My buddy Travis Marsh spoke about adoption at my church this past Sunday. His family represents three generations of adoption. The gospel is woven into the fabric of his story. He talked about the brokenness inherent in adoption. Without pain and suffering, adoption would not exist. Adoption is necessary because families break - a single mom is unable to care for her baby, birth parents die or run away, or any of a myriad of circumstances can create a need for a new family. In the gospel, we're all from a broken family. The family of Adam is screwed-up. This past week, I realized that I like to lead when I feel competent and like to follow when I feel insecure. I vacillate between those two extremes depending on my mood, which can shift by the hour. My leadership mindset is weak and self-centered. I am dysfunctional and I come from a dysfunctional family. Adoption is the process of leaving one family an...

I ran an idea by a mentor friend of mine. I told him that for Asian American Christians, shame is the elephant in the room. We hide from each other and God, afraid to fully reveal and expose our vulnerability. We operate in fear of disapproval and humiliation. He disagreed. Shame and saving face are issues but the biggest problem Asian Christians face is recognition of sin. He recounted a conversation with an overseas-born pastor. "I don't struggle with sin" the pastor told him. I'm inclined to agree with my friend that recognition of sin is the primary issue. Nothing in the gospel can happen without acknowledging our wickedness. And its true that most of us high-achieving, moral Asian American believers have a superficial sense of our depravity. But I wonder if shame and recognition of sin are close to the same thing. I was in a meeting recently where a person said he was hurt by another's comment. The meeting went silent after that statement. Out of awkwardness...

In most things, I love being coached. It wasn't always that way. In high school, I had some poor coaches. After playing a mediocre game, my water polo coach would yell, throw chairs, and curse at my teammates and me. Playing for him felt like living in a pressure cooker that might blow up any second. I have my own issues too. I often resent being told what to do. Most of all, its tough to hear that you're not doing something right. Its painful and annoying to have someone get in your face and tell you that your performance was sub-par. Two years ago, my brother-in-law taught me how to throw a football. He's a good teacher and a former athletic coach. He was very patient and gave me good feedback. You can watch a Youtube video about throwing a football but the video won't tell you that your arm is not going back far enough or that your shoulders aren't square. The feedback is precious. This article by Atul Gawande talks about coaching at the highest levels of perform...

I saw this book at my friend George’s house and had to take it from him. After preaching through Genesis and marveling at how Adam was with Eve and said nothing while she was tempted, the title jumped out at me. Its written by Dr. Larry Crabb with Don Hudson and Al Andrews . It’s a book about manhood. I love reading this kind of stuff. They awaken a hunger inside me. The awesome thing about this book, in contrast with a book like John Eldredge’s seminal “Wild at Heart”, is that there’s very little chest-thumping, outdoors/nature glorification, and references to popular movies. Manhood is not about raising wild boys, backpacking up steep mountains in Colorado, and re-enacting Braveheart movie scenes (I actually loved Eldredge’s book but his physical imagery gets a little tiresome). There’s something more powerful illustrating truth here – the true, personal stories of the authors and imagined stories that are a composite of the hundreds of men these authors have counseled over...

Sometimes I have nightmares about my kids. Like I get really scared. Everything from nap schedules to choice of schooling, to bumps and bruises, to developmental milestones and appearance, are cause for me to worry. But they don’t bother me as much as my worst nightmare. My greatest fear is my kids won’t make the same life decisions I have. Its not about economic status, educational attainment or even morality and personal happiness. I worry they will not walk with God. My nightmare is that 20 years from now I’ll have adult children who are successful, well-educated, upright professionals who have no affection for Jesus. Judy and I can drag our kids to go to church (and we do), make them pray with us before bedtime (check), talk with them about God (yup), and even study the Bible with them (alright – sporadically) but the abiding decision of trusting Christ is up to them. It is a choice that is ultimately their own. And that is a scary thing. We can influence which God th...

Over Labor Day weekend, our church went on a retreat to Camp Sierra, south of Yosemite and an hour northeast of Fresno. We were surrounded by lakes – Millerton Lake, Shaver Lake, and Huntington Lake. There were boats and water craft (jet skis, wave runners) everywhere. Where you find boats, you find white people. Boatloads of them. White people love water. They like playing in it, riding on it, camping on it, swimming in it, jumping in it, whatever. Not Chinese people. They don’t like water. Sure, they drink it and all. They just don’t enjoy being in the water. And when I say Chinese people, I don’t mean me. I mean real Chinese people – as in FOB immigrants (I actually do see myself as “real” Chinese but I’m always amused when people say I’m not “real”). See, most Chinese immigrants don’t know how to swim. They may have grown up near water but being a member of the intelligentsia demanded time away from the water and in the classroom. I think that’s why Chinese immigr...

Reading the mega-hit "The 4-Hour Workweek" by Timothy Ferriss was like gorging one's self on ice cream and potato chips. It starts out amazing, towards the middle you start slowing down, and when the message from your stomach finally reaches your brain, you feel this overwhelming urge to vomit. It all starts in such a promising way. Ferriss' premise is obtaining the freedom to pursue life's most important goal - individualistic hedonism. Ferriss defines the New Rich (NR) as people who have both money AND time. Its a neat concept and appropriate for a generation weaned on entitlement and jealous of their baby boomer parents' success. But here's where things being to go astray: he tells us the perfect job is the one that takes the least time. That makes no sense to me. Isn't what makes a job perfect the fact you look forward to spending time doing it? Well, not in Ferriss' world of becoming a Chinese kickboxing champion, competing as a ballroom danc...

Last Sunday, I talked about the pursuit of happiness as an one modern example of idolatry. After hearing my message, someone wrote me that he's looking for replacement words for happiness. That comment got me thinking. Do we need different words for happiness? Well, I think happiness is a perfectly good word albeit somewhat overused. But it might overlook the question of what idolatry is about. The question is not whether happiness as an idea is wrong. It is good to want to feel good, contented, joyful, etc. And I'm not trying to play with words here. When I mean happiness, I believe it overlaps with joy, peace, contentment, etc. and all those biblical words. So it is good to seek and desire happiness. The question is where does it fit in our pyramid? The pyramid is desires, ambitions, and values. As you progress from bottom to top, the least important things serve the more important ones until you get to the top, where we find who or what ultimately rules our live...

I reconnected with a friend from college this past Monday. He, his wife, and four children are now missionaries in Beirut, Lebanon. Their ministry is to lead Muslim Arabs into becoming followers of Jesus. They are sponsored by a missions organization but they are not part of any local church. They live in a predominantly Muslim area. And until this summer, their children didn't even know what a church building looked like. I asked him what he sees as the biggest challenge American Christians face. He replied that its amazing what believers can do without. Many of the programs churches offer aren't as necessary as one might think. Ultimately, a life of faith is not complex and doesn't require activities dedicated to extensive training, Bible study, men's groups, fellowship time, accountability, choir practice, outreach, prayer meetings, discipleship, etc. In his context, the gospel is seamlessly integrated into everything he does. Their family does "church" ...

I got back from our annual youth retreat yesterday. It was meaningful and fun though exhausting. I preached a message from John 7:53-8:11 (Jesus and the adulteress) that was received surprisingly well. I wrestled with how to communicate this text in our particular Asian American context. It seems like most affluent, high-functioning, church-going Asian kids don't struggle with overt sin issues like premarital sex, drugs, and alcohol, etc. I wondered how I would talk about someone being caught in the act of adultery. I could not think of a truly humiliating moment where I was caught doing something wrong. Most of my embarrassing moments are not shameful. And the truly shameful moments I could only share with my closet friends. Even so, those moments did not include any type of public shaming. That would be unbearable. I live in fear of public shame. Many things I do are meant to avoid humiliation. I condemn myself and imagine the condemnation of others so that I can be motivated ...

Over the past week, I've heard several people make extensive use of dating metaphor to describe their relationship with God. Jesus is like a boyfriend. I recognize when people talking about dating Jesus - they mean there is intimacy, affection, and attention. These are natural parts of what it means to relate to someone. But part of it makes me uncomfortable. I understand the biblical basis of the metaphor - Ephesians 5 and Revelation paint a picture of Jesus as the groom and the body of Christ, the church, his bride. I have often preached on that image and its certainly a central image of the gospel. But its a little bit of a jump to go from there and say Jesus is my boyfriend (or girlfriend). Dating is a temporary status, is nowhere near as encompassing as marriage, and has no biblical foundation of commitment. Additionally, our betrothal and marriage to Jesus is community to one not 1:1. It is the entire community - the people of God - who are Jesus' bride. Despite that, I...

My dad is an elder at the same church I am part of. We have weekly elder/staff meetings and at the end of a recent one, my dad prayed like this: "I thank you for my brother Fred . . . " I was immediately offended by how he addressed me. I'm not his brother, I'm his son - his dear, beloved, flesh and blood first-born son with the double inheritance. I sat there stunned thinking about he addressed me and upon reflection, marveled at how little I understand the Christian faith. In the gospel, water is thicker than blood. Our family relationships are determined by faith not flesh. My true, intended, and ultimate father is God the Father. I have known that for a long time but when my dad prayed that way, it kinda shook me up. "Brother" is a Christian term I reserve for church acquaintances - there is some distance conveyed in the term. When I hear "brother" used to describe relationship with my dad, it makes it feel less intimate. But what it really ex...

Its hard to write this post. Especially after reading this article . I am so used to pressing the space bar twice after a sentence. Oh I just had to back up again and remove the extra space. Ever since high school, which is I think where I learned this, I have always put two spaces after the period. I clearly remember in college critiquing a friend's paper and being appalled that he only put one space after each period. I barely remember anything else about the paper - only that he had committed that cardinal sin. How could content be more important than style? The essay went on to win the Cal Undergraduate Award and was published. The point here is not only do I not get it at times but there are moments when I can be downright destructive with how much I don't get it. LORD, have mercy.

What do Amy Chua and the gospel have in common? Neither one panders to the idol of self-esteem. Neither the gospel nor Chua defines our worth intrinsically. The self-esteem movement says we can look in the mirror and declare by fiat that we are worthy. It sounds good but it is really a Christian heresy. According to Chua, worth comes from individual accomplishment and excellence. In the gospel, worth is defined by the Christ's death and resurrection. It is an external, historical event that has past, present, and future implications. We define our worth according to this act and we are continually defining ourselves in relationship to Him. This means our worth is not intrinsic. Its not something inherent in our nature, its not something we're necessarily born with or entitled to. Our worth is a gift to us, external to ourselves, and having nothing to do with any accomplishment. Some people say faith is a type of accomplishment or work. I disagree. Faith indicates th...

I read this article today and I'm a little bit annoyed. Basically, its saying that time spent outside helps to prevent nearsightedness. Something about natural light and all that stuff. Well, I'm -8 and spent a lot of time outside as a kid, especially during the formative years (ages 8-12) when my eyesight deteriorated the most. So it must be genetic in my case or what?

I went to the optometrist a couple years ago and we were talking about our children. After talking about how challenging it was to raise her two sons, she sighed and said, "Well, its all about what's most important - making sure they're happy". I felt like vomiting. Somewhere along the way, many parents have come to believe their children's happiness is their responsibility. I love this recent article about the phenomenon and the key term in Lori Gottlieb's piece is generational narcissism. We have a generation of children obsessed about their own happiness. And they are a product of our parenting. What drives me crazy is well-meaning Christian parents have totally bought into this. It as if personal happiness is a right that parents are placed to guarantee for their children. Happiness is somehow some kind of godly virtue. Unfortunately, parents' pursuit of their children's happiness is a Christian heresy. There is nothing biblical about...

I like Kay Hymowitz's writing - it can be kinda depressing but it highlights important social trends. About four years ago, I read a great book of her called Marriage and Caste . I'm surprised more people don't reference her work. She was one of the first to describe in detail the marriage gap . Articles about it are everywhere - as recent as this week . College-educated people marry at far higher rates than those who have only a high school diploma or less. People with at least a bachelor's degree also divorce at far lower rates than those less educated. This means we are creating a society where marriage is a filter for the elite and the working class and poor will stay poor due to low marriage rates. This is especially pronounced when viewed across race. In a recent article about the marriage gap's implications on fatherhood, a Pew research report published last year states 44% of black fathers with children under 19 live away from their parents. Thi...

I have a crush on Amy Chua. OK not really. She is insane but man, I loved her book. It felt like a breakthrough to me because she does such a fantastic job dissecting the difference between Chinese and Western parenting and what she did was tremendously helpful in me appreciating being Chinese. That revelation is such a treasure to me. Here is an intelligent, incredibly well-educated, strong, headstrong, stubborn, courageous, ridiculously articulate and intense woman who makes me proud to be Chinese and particularly Chinese American. She helped me appreciate being Chinese in a way only someone who straddles both cultures can. And in the end, she admits to being (almost) as dysfunctional as the rest of us. She’s an amazing writer – very concise and much less pretentious (although every bit as elite) than Ayelet Waldman's Bad Mother. She drops big words occasionally but mostly her prose is terse and easy to read. Its just good. And she’s hilarious – total deadp...

Last week, members of the youth group spent 5 days in the Tenderloin neighborhood of San Francisco. Our host was Youth with a Mission, a great parachurch missions organization. Our team was paired with a youth group from the high desert region of San Bernadino County. It was apparent they're not exposed to many Asians. On one outing, I was placed with four teenagers (all white) from their church. I tried on some sunglasses and a girl commented that I look like Jackie Chan. I jumped onto a wall. A guy said it was just like Jackie Chan. I asked if they knew other Asians that I could be compared with. Oh sure they responded - we know Bruce Lee. In another instance, it was early evening and I was watching a group of our kids on the other side of the street. A black man (who turned out to be quite drunk) passed me jabbering in fake Chinese - "ching chong ding doing". Pushing aside my flashes of rage fantasy, I replied as graciously as I could - "You have a n...

I had a great time yesterday volunteering at CityTeam Ministries with some youth group kids. We were doing some team bonding in preparation for our missions trip to the Tenderloin district of San Francisco. I talked with the person in charge of the recovery center kitchen. Her experience with Christianity, youth, and pastors is radically different from mine. After finding out I was a youth pastor, she said something like wow I’m so glad you’re doing this for the kids because without you, these kids wouldn’t be here. And I thought, actually that’s completely untrue. In fact, the opposite is true. They would probably be volunteering more if it wasn’t for me. She didn’t know anything about the children of well-educated high-tech immigrants and the churches they attend. We are busy with all these activities at church, teach them to reach out to their friends, do bible study, sing, play etc. Two of the kids had just been at CityTeam just a couple weeks before with Key ...

Well, two reasons: First, I had things I wanted to share about things I am learning and passionate about 2) because of these two books: The Long Tail by Chris Anderson and Purple Cow by Seth Godin. They're both great books about technology, change, and leadership. Its about being unique and focusing on your niche. Wanting to live out and convey the gospel as an Americanized Asian in an immigrant church is certainly one such niche.

Wesley Yang pretty well describes my Atlanta experience in this article . I mostly love the way he writes (some sentences were a little long for me) but I'm completely in awe of the courage it took to write what he did and the insight he brought to bear on it from so many angles. Yang gives voice to frustrations and desires that I'm often afraid to express publicly. Its supposed to be a riff on culture and ethnicity but its really a piece on masculinity. Yang sees (for good reason) the successful white man as the pinnacle of manhood. A true man is the white alpha male. When I read between the lines, I see a cry for the significance every man wants. And that's exactly what I felt furthest from when living in Georgia as a teenager. However, I would take note that 1) I'm not in 8th grade anymore 2) I don't live in North Fulton County, Georgia in 1989. So there is a sense that this experience quite far removed from me and yet the isolation, racism, and bullyin...

Well, it actually does not suck. Something that doesn't exist cannot suck. Its kind of like saying Shrek 7 sucks. And yet it probably would suck if it had been made. In any case, the real question is why there isn't any Asian American theology. If you're a good Evangelical, Asian or otherwise, you're reading this thinking "Why would we need an Asian American Theology? What is the point? What could that possibly offer to Western Christianity?" And the reasons why we don't have a theology and why we need one are exactly what Amos Yong sets out to explain in this talk . Major props and big thanks to Tim Tseng and Grace Hsiao of ISAAC for highlighting this and the great discussion about this topic over the past year. The talk is academically oriented. Big words and long sentences. Its only 21 minutes though - much shorter than the gospel coalition messages so its got that going for it. Here's what got me thinking: Asian Americans are long way...

I was talking to a friend who wants to lose weight. He said eating is one of the few escapes that provide guaranteed satisfaction. I mention this because we had a birthday party for Micah today. I was tired and bothered. I haven't slept well because of allergies. And I felt like crap because I hadn't done much to help out with party and Judy was frustrated with me. To cap it all off, I was hungry. So while the kids were outside, I nuked some popcorn and Elliot and I sat down and self-medicated with food. The kids came in and I proceeded to mow down veggie straws, blueberries, blackberries, and strawberries. Eating just felt good. There was definitely kind of a rush and I felt better. I did feel a little sick afterwards but it wasn't that bad. In any case, eating is not in my personal top 5 list of addictive behaviors so its a little easier to have some perspective. But I realized something - if food is a source of guaranteed satisfaction, if its readily available...

I know as an evangelical Christian and American, I am supposed to celebrate the death of Osama bin Laden but I feel conflicted over it. I see some Californians interviewed about his killing and they say things like, "Well, I don't approve of killing but this is a good thing". That's kind of like of saying I'm a vegetarian but I love me some dead cow when the occasion warrants it. I think my problem is I'm not sure if killing is ever a good thing. Part of me definitely admires killing in the manly sort of way. For my ten-year old birthday party, we watched my favorite movie, "Delta Force" with Chuck Norris. I love that scene where his motorcycle launches into the air and he lands it in the cargo hold of a military transport plane as it is taking off. Completely ludicrous and awesome. Chuck has two facial expressions in the movie - stoic and stoicer. My tension with killing though is really about public perception. I don't want to be labele...

Today I spent the day in the sunshine on the beach in Cayucos, making sand castles with my kids. I wrote these words exactly a year ago in my journal: I am a slave to Christ. I will serve no other master. Today I soak in the sunshine. It makes the rain meaningful.

**** UPDATE **** They posted video of the plenary sessions so I've updated the links to the video. I am so grateful for Jeff Louie and the gospel preaching fellowship we've had with him. The experience helped prepare me for this conference in a significant way. Hearing the speakers reinforced what God has been teaching me about the gospel and what changes lives. (My buddy SooSang Park also told me that Tullian Tchividjian was amazing during the church planting panel and C. J. Mahaney lit it up during his workshop but I didn't get to see those guys) My favorite talk by far was Don Carson's "Getting Excited about Melchizedek" I've never heard this guy speak. And he blew it up. Straight up baller. It was the type of message that pastors get excited about because the exposition was so amazing - starting in Psalm 110, going back to Genesis 14 and ending up in Hebrews 7. I was in tears as I imagined what David was thinking as he, inspired by the Spirit, p...

While waiting for the next game of pick-up basketball at the community center, three high school students (all white males) were discussing how one of them had a job at an Asian supermarket. They asked him if anyone spoke English at the store and stuff like that. I'm sitting maybe two feet away. Then one of the guys, who is now a graduating senior and I've played with since a freshman, turned to me and asked - "Don't take this the wrong way, but can I you a question?" I love it when people say that. I looked at him, nodded (smile on my face), and braced myself (no smile inside). "Do Chinese people eat rice with soy sauce? Because I love to pour soy sauce over my rice." The other guys murmured their agreement on how awesome of a delicacy soy sauce and rice is. I looked at him and thought 1) I really like this kid 2) that is the most adorable and earnest question I have heard in a long time. I told him: "No. Chinese people don't do that....

Some of you may have forgotten this fairy tale. King Stefan and Queen Leah (the queen's name is never mentioned - I found it on Wikipedia) wrestle with years of infertility and finally, through in vitro fertilization, they give birth to a beautiful daughter, Aurora. At her christening, three fairies give her a blessing. But before the third fairy, Merriweather, can bless her, Malificent the evil fairy crashes the party. She is royally pissed off that she was not invited and therefore, curses Aurora that on her sixteenth birthday she will prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die. Merriweather, the last fairy to give her blessing, does not have the power to reverse Malificent's spell. But she does modify the curse - if Aurora's finger is pricked, it will not end in death but a deep slumber that can be awakened by true love's kiss. In one version of the Disney book, the narrator writes that Merriweather gave King Stefan the gift of hope. In Jo...