Rant of the Exiles

Haley's Halo, a Christian game blog that I enjoy reading, posed this question: Should Christians flirt at all? The short answer? An unequivocal YES. Here's a brief summary of the argument on both sides: Cons of flirting: Leads to confusion, could be easily misconstrued as an indicator of romantic interest, members of the opposite sex could lead each other on and send inappropriate signals, can be a barrier to deeper intimacy, a can lead to pain, heartbreak, and rejection Pros of flirting: Indicates a sense of humor, comfort with others, ability to build rapport, social ease and comfort, demonstrates romantic interest, can help begin/grow a dating relationship, is enjoyable and fun And here's my argument for why Christians should flirt (with some observations): 1) Flirting builds relationships.  It is a social skill. Like any social skill, flirting helps strengthen a relationship. Flirting has the specific intent of building rapport. It greases the s...

Jeremy Lin, by most accounts, is having a an excellent season. After sub-par season in Houston last year, Lin is meeting the lofty expectations that followed him after he left New York. And he is no less important of a role model to Asian Americans.  This encapsulates the argument Jay Kaspian Kang puts forward in a recent article . Kang acknowledges the difficulty of negotiating two extremes - on the one hand, Jeremy Lin is a really big deal and on the other, we should act as it's perfectly normal for Asian Americans to make the NBA. We don't have the luxury to pretend we don't need Jeremy Lin or act as if he's not that big of a deal. Kang writes: It's discomforting to say, but the Asian American community still needs Jeremy Lin as a rallying point. The "Chink in the Armor"  moment marked the first time in my life that we, as a unified people, voiced our outrage. Since then, Asian American outrage has become its own meme. Some video will come out ...

I see a man walking down the street headed towards me All sorts of issues in his life and knows nothing about God A broken man - you can tell these things - probably a dealer He is but he's not My son works on a pumpkin and I offer my help He turns me down and stiffens his upper lip  A rebellious boy - overly sensitive - wants things his own way He is but he's not The wife I love is frazzled and tired I hate it when she cuts me off while I'm talking A fearful woman long burdened with obligation She is but she's not I ride a bucking bronco of emotion Shifting from rested to raging in three seconds flat A tormented soul pushes away those he wants near I am but I'm not Our mortal shell bleeds rupture and weakness Some far away creature that dwells close by We follow the beast, cleaning up it's trail of damage  It is us but it's not Paul says we do not accord anyone to the flesh Because one died for all and w...

I asked my oldest son recently who he thought was more humble -I or a friend of mine. He replied without my hesitation that it was my friend. I laughed. And I get the irony.  A humble person would have never asked the question.  But unwilling to miss a teaching opportunity, I pointed out that just because people draw attention away from themselves doesn't mean that they're humble. That's modesty.  Humility is making others more important than yourself.  Modesty is thinking less of yourself (or at least minimizing attention on yourself) and that's only half of it.  I would argue it's the less important half. It's more valuable to think more about others than to try to stop thinking about yourself.  Asian culture values modesty but that's not the same thing as humility. Eastern culture is much more restrained in emotional expression and individual rights. This promotes humility but it's not a natural byproduct. You can be modest wi...

I read John Rosemond's stuff . He is a so-called parenting expert. It's not a title he likes because he sees parenting as common sense. But common sense is increasingly less common in today's society. I'm totally with him on that. In this month's column, he responds to a parent's question about what constitutes normal behavior. (I've put the entire thing here because his website doesn't have it yet) Q: Several months back, our just-turned 3-year-old son invented an imaginary friend whom he calls Larry. We're worried because he seems involved to the point of being obsessed with him. He plays with Larry almost constantly, talking to him all the while. When we go somewhere, I have to pretend that Larry is coming along too. I've drawn the line at setting a place at the table for him, explaining to our son that I feed Larry after he's gone to bed. When our son is with other children his age, he plays well, but has a sort of take-it-or-leave-...

He doesn't wear a cape but he should Dear women of all ethnicities, I can't tell you how excited I am to share something with you. Let me set it up for you first. We Asian guys have a pretty bad rap.  There are statistics like Asian men have to make $247,000 more annually in order to receive the same response rate as white men on online dating sites . I've also been contemplating putting up a post titled: "Why Asian guys are more feminine". It lists the biological and cultural for why Asian men are less attractive relative to other races, specifically white guys. Examples: 1) we're smaller in stature with less body hair 2) our culture is more passive, less independent, and more emotionally restrained which rewards Asian women but punishes Asian men 3) the self-selecting population of Asian immigrants in the bay area tends to be high IQ and low EQ. In sum, I want to complain, whine, bemoan, have you feel sorry for us, blah blah blah. Enter...

The ultimate wedding pick-up movie I went to a wedding this past weekend. It was awesome. I had such a good time that it got me thinking about how weddings are incredible events to meet new people. A wedding is, outside of college, the best social venue to find a life partner. First of all, it's a celebration. Everyone looks good and wants to have a good time. Second, you have a high probability of meeting someone of similar background and values. I know a dozen or so people who started dating as a result of meeting (or reconnecting many years later) at a wedding. Four of them are now married to each other.  Part of my calling as a pastor is to help people in their life journey. I love to see the people that I shepherd get married and live happily ever after. Therefore this post is dedicated to helping single adults meet and mingle at weddings. It's mostly for guys but I hope some of it is helpful for women as well.  1) Prepare in advance : Table seating is cr...

Moderation in all things, especially moderation.  - Ralph Waldo Emerson I was talking to a pastor friend of mine a couple weeks ago. He's always talking about grace. Grace this, grace that, grace with bacon, grace and sunshine, grace everywhere. Sometimes I get tired of hearing so much about grace. It feels unbalanced. I want to balance grace with law. I want to balance grace with restraint. I want to balance grace with truth. I want to balance grace with justice. I want to balance grace with discipline. Part of the problem is I'm not exactly sure how to define grace. The Bible uses the term in multiple ways.  Grace is often defined as unmerited favor, which means that God has a boundless affection for us that has nothing to do with our good behavior, performance, or effort as in Ephesians 2:8-9. And yet it's more than that. Grace is love that goes first. It is how God express His divine power and influence in our lives, as in 2 Corinthians 8:6-7...

My brother got me David Epstein's book The Sports Gene . It is a fascinating quick read. If you're interested in sports and science, it will enthrall you.  I finished it in three days. Epstein's point is that far more of an athlete's performance is due to genetics than due to the so-called "10,000 hour" rule promulgated by books such as Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell and Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin (both which are very good). The 10,000 hour rule states that any person can reach expert level of performance in a sport if they devote 10,000 hours of deliberate and intentional practice.  That's a lot of hours. Most people aren't capable of anywhere close. And that's precisely Epstein's point. Someone who devotes 10,000 hours of sport-specific practice is likely genetically gifted for the sport in extraordinary ways AND genetically gifted in their ability to persevere and benefit from practice. Therefore, a person who can pra...

I was in the United Kingdom for a conference last week. The topic was how our individual spirituality interacts with church life. About half the participants were Westerners (Brazilians, American or British-born/raised citizens) and the other half were Asians born in China, Taiwan, South Korea, Indonesia, and Malaysia. Our times of singing were great but one thing drove me crazy.  Clapping in unison. We couldn't do it. One person would get a clap going and then some other people would try to join in. But the rhythm of each person's clapping was off. It sounded terrible. I looked around and tried to refrain from laughing. It was like our group was clapping retarded. It was so bad that invariably the clapping would die off a minute later because it was so cacophonous and distracting. It dawned on me after the conference why we had an epic clapping failure. In eastern culture (particularly Chinese), you clap on every beat whereas in the west, you clap on every other...

When we tell people that we're homeschooling our children, one of the most common questions we get in response is "So what do you do for socialization?" Truth be told, people don't use those exact words but I know what they're thinking.  It's because that's exactly how I regarded home schooling before we jumped in last year. It cannot possibly be adequate socialization. I imagined a group of children dressed in Amish clothes cloistered in a stuffy kitchen with a woman holding a blackboard and chalk. I believed home schooling is socially stifling and turns kids into book smart misfits.  More = Better:  When we talk about socialization, it often feels like we're talking about sunshine, water, and exercise. The more you get the better.  It follows then that the more people you're around, the better the socialization. But this is silly. It's not the quantity of people you spend time with, it's the quality of the interaction and kind...

 The question matters to Lady Gaga  There’s only one person in the world with the dubious distinction of betraying the Son of God so that he would be condemned to die on a wooden stake. Judas Iscariot. Judas was one of Jesus’ twelve chosen disciples. He likely spent close to three years with Jesus, wandering the countryside, preaching and teaching in cities, and witnessing Jesus’ miracles. At some point in Jesus’ public ministry, Judas contacted the chief priests and temple guard to discuss how he might secretly hand Jesus over to them. They were delighted and agreed to pay him thirty pieces of silver. Judas completed his act of treachery on the evening of the last supper. A crowd approached their group and Judas kissed Jesus as a sign to indicate that he was the one. Later, after Jesus was sentenced to death, Judas, with deep regret over what he did, returned the silver, and hanged himself. Was Judas forgiven? The question matters because we want to belie...

Despite having to leave the reunion early, I had a great time. It was fascinating to see how people had aged (or not) and changed (or not). 1) Reunion participants view their adolescence in favorable terms: This is not the same thing as saying reunion participants had a positive experience in high school. That seems obvious. But my high school days were a mixed bag. The highs were really high and lows were really low. There are so many moments I remember like yesterday and it's amazing how sharp and vivid the images are. I remember a couple highlights involving car accidents and water polo: I pulled into the parking lot in my Volvo station wagon for 6 AM practice and proceed to sideswipe Jeremy Vander Kam's pick-up (it was parked - yeah Asian drivers!). He was asleep inside but that woke him up. The next day he asked me to pay $20 to fix the dent in his truck and it was the best hush-hush money I've ever spent. Coming back from De Anza College after practice, Kian Az...