Rant of the Exiles

"I have a good idea, for if you meet some person from a different religion and he wants to make  an argument about God. My idea is, you listen to everything this man says about God. Never argue about God with him. Best thing to say is, 'I agree with you.' Then you go home, pray what you want. This is my idea for people to have peace about religion." - Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love "Religion is like a pair of shoes. . . Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes."  - George Carlin, comedian "The liberal idea of tolerance is more and more a kind of intolerance. What it means is 'Leave me alone; don't harass me; I'm intolerant towards your over-proximity."   - Slavoj Zizek, Slovene philosopher Gilbert's quote encourages people to lie to each other and pretend to agree, as if that will keep people from fighting about religion. Carlin's quote stems from being hurt by zealous, insens

Imagine this scene. A husband wants to celebrate his wedding anniversary by having a romantic, candle-lit dinner with his wife. He makes reservations weeks in advance at an exclusive eatery known as much for its ambiance as its cuisine. Can you guess what type of restaurant he picked?  The top three possibilities? Italian, French, and Japanese. European cuisine is sexy personified. Italian food leads this list. The spaghetti scene from the Lady and the Tramp is unforgettable. And nothing is more romantic than Venice. When you have like 5000 different kinds of pasta and each one has a sexy name, you know you're doing well.       And French fare is a close second. The French know food and they know romance. Think Paris. Think originator of the renown Michelin Guide. Think sidewalk cafes, baguettes, wine, cheese, and candles.  And don't get me started on Japanese food. They massage their cows to make the beef more tender. Sushi is not sustenance, it's artwork.

Rule by all animals, for all animals:  No, it's not a post-modern interpretation of C.S. Lewis' Narnia Chronicles. Lynn White, in his famous speech about the contributions of Christianity towards our current ecological crisis, implies that we follow Saint Francis of Assisi's example and depose man's monarchy over nature. In it's place, we  should install a democracy where all creatures rule together as equals. I don't know how that works.  He explains that Western civilization is anti-environmental because of Christianity. Since he's a historian, he traces the thought patterns of Christian leaders throughout the ages. He makes excellent points that we as Christians should learn from. But his understanding of the bible is off. The bible is not anti-environment. Far from it. And what the bible says is important especially where the environment is concerned.  One common verse used to justify Western Christianity's abuse of the environment

During the mid-1990s, one constant topic in my college fellowship was dating. Campus Crusade for Christ (now Cru) was big on this. As men, we were encouraged to go group dates, heard talks about being initiators, and had small group discussions about dating/marriage. My campus director, Rod Howard, introduced me to Josh Harris' cassette (!) series before he even wrote his seminal book. This environment influenced me profoundly. So before Judy and I started dating, I had already decided on my Big Three - that is, the three non-negotiable qualities for the woman I wanted to marry. There aren't many dating principles that I would still uphold after twenty years. I'm certainly no longer a proponent of courtship a la Josh Harris / Bill Gothard-style. I'm much more receptive to different types of dating arrangements. I can find biblical wisdom in arranged marriages. But one thing I feel pretty good about almost twenty years later is this set of non-negotiables. They are:

I attended a funeral yesterday and like all funerals, it got me thinking about my own mortality. A couple  thoughts: 1) Don't wear black to my funeral: I get why people wear black to funerals. I get the whole mourning and sadness thing. And I think I understand the particular tragedy of an unexpected death. Wearing black is a cultural expression of grief. But I don't get why we as Christians have to do what everyone else does. After all, we have a different view of death. If we truly believe there is life after death and that death is not the end, then why would we mourn when someone dies? It is a good-bye celebration. The rest of the culture mourns but as believers, we celebrate. If someone is going to remember my life, I want it to be a real celebration. If Jesus is the resurrection and I'm in a better place, then we should party. I want to look down from heaven and see people wearing lime green, fuschia, bright orange, and yellow. I would love to hear some good jo

What is the Christian alpha way to handle a relationship inequity? Let's say the vast majority of the times you eat out with your girlfriend, she ends up deciding the restaurant. At first, you feel comfortable letting her make the call but later you feel a little resentful because you really felt like Gombei Bento but she was pining for Falafel's Drive-In . Being a Christian alpha male means embracing paradox. On one hand, we're called as Christians to lay down our rights and preferences in surrender. We submit. It is completely counter-cultural and it means winning by losing . On the other hand, as an alpha male, you're dominant. You're a rock. You initiate. You don't ask permission, you do and don't apologize. You don't win by losing. You win by winning. Ultimately, being a Christian alpha male is about surrender but its not just surrender of our preferences, its surrender of the outcome. There are two issues to sort through in order to negoti

Racial privilege is a first culture phenomenon. DJ Chuang recently   transcribed   some of Tim Keller's thoughts on racial privilege. Keller nor Chuang use the term "first culture" but that's what racial privilege is.  Keller highlights a feature of raising financial support that I've thought about but never unraveled as deeply as Keller does. Keller says it is much easier for white people than for minorities to raise financial support for Christian work. A young college graduate who joins the staff of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship will solicit contributions to fund his salary. If he is white, he will have an easier time doing this than if he was part of a minority group. White people have more extensive networks than minority groups. White people know more rich people than minority groups. And perhaps most importantly, white culture is more receptive to volunteerism than minority cultures. White people enjoy giving to causes.  This is rings true

On Monday of last week, I had my nose moved. After introducing himself, the ear-nose-throat surgeon asked if I had a picture of myself prior to the injury. He wanted to know if I always looked like I did. It was a good question. My mom was asking herself the same thing when she saw me the week prior. I had to check pictures myself to confirm that indeed, my nose was straight before. He confirmed based on my driver's license picture that I had indeed been better (or worse) looking than before. He said there was no obstruction in my nose and it would heal fine so any further procedure would be considered "purely cosmetic". That made me feel like a shallow person. To defend against this implication, I told him my glasses no longer sat centered on my nose and it made me dizzy to have one lens close to my face and the other farther away. He didn't sound very convinced. He told me I had two options - have my nose moved while under a local anesthetic or have it

The parent-child is a relationship paradigm not a metaphor. The parent-child dynamic is the most frequently used metaphor to describe the relationship in immigrant churches between the first and second generation. The immigrant generation is the parent and the next generation is the child. However the parent-child dynamic is not a metaphor. A metaphor compares two distinct entities whereas the parent-child dynamic describes a fundamental reality of immigrant churches. The children of the first generation make up the English-speaking congregation. Paternalism begins when the children of the immigrant congregation are born. As the kids grow, the paternalism hopefully fades. After a number of years, the Americanized congregation becomes less marginalized and matures into adult status. The husband-wife relationship is both a paradigm and metaphor. But there is a real metaphor present. It is of husband and wife. The husband-wife relationship describes both the fallen and ideal

I broke my nose on Monday. I got hit in the face playing basketball but didn't know it was broken until I glanced in the mirror after the game. It didn't look the way I did before. My nose had a dent in it and the bridge was off center. Here are some reflections on the past week. Obsessing about my personal appearance: The funny thing is nobody noticed my nose was dented and crooked unless I mentioned it. I went to a church meeting on the same night of the injury and my parents were there. At one point, my dad looked straight at me for a couple seconds. I thought he could tell but when I asked him about it couple days later, he said he had no idea until I told him. Another lady I told said she noticed earlier but didn't want to say anything. She probably figured my nose had always been crooked. Either people don't play close attention to me or I'm uglier than I thought. Or both. Update: I found out that from the Monday meeting, my mom did notice m

Having spent most of my life in Silicon Valley, I'm always somewhat surprised when I leave here to find that most Chinese people don't work in the high-tech industry. It testifies to how much of a bubble I live in. In our Chinese church, 95% of the working people (including the Chinese-speaking congregation) are engineers. We have one remodeling contractor and no doctors, nurses, or lawyers. Last week I was in Bournemouth, a city on the south coast of England, to speak at a discipleship training camp. We had an amazing speaker-participant ratio - there were four teachers (including myself) and twenty students. Even though the conference was conducted in English, half of the participants were overseas Chinese. As far as I can tell, there is no Chinese church in Bournemouth so Chinese students attend local international churches/fellowships. There is a significant foreign student population in the city due to its abundance of language schools. The Chinese people I met in Bourn

Child-like faith is imagination. And imagination is the door into the spiritual realm. In this sense, all faith is child-like. Faith is the willingness to see what is unseen. Child-like faith is the courage to ride your imagination as far as it will take you. It is the refusal to place any bounds on one's journey into the imagined. It is indulging whimsy. It is being utterly un-self-conscious. It is doing stupid things, making a fool of yourself, all while taking in the world with breathless wonder. When I watch my boys play battle with their LEGO creations or my daughter dress up her dolls, I don't need to remind them that it is all pretend. Because it is real. The truth is their fantasy world. They delight in their toys because they perceive an unseen reality beyond the plastic pieces they manipulate. When my kids have nightmares, it is not helpful to tell them their dreams aren't real. Because they are real. The fear is real. The monsters are real. We don'

 “Victor, how is the house search going?” his mom asked over the phone. “Its going great mom” gushed Victor. “What neighborhoods are you looking at?” “I don't think you've heard of it - east of downtown, near the park where the homeless hang out” “Victor, don’t worry about buying a nice house, just focus on the neighborhood with the highest- scoring schools” “What are you talking about mom?  Competitive schooling and supersized suburbia are for Pharisees.  We want Isaiah to reach the city for Christ. The urban center is where the unreached are.” “I know Isaiah is a just a baby but he will grow fast.  It's never too early to think about schools.  And I can help watch him if Julie want to go back to work” “Mom, are you even listening to me?  We’re not going to send him to Asian Academic All-Star Factory school.  We’re not even going to send him to Christ Redeemer Jesus Son of God daycare and preschool." “Really?  I heard they have a great

It seems most parents are deathly afraid of their kids being bored. I'm surprised when my peers tell me they can't take a family road trip without playing a movie on their portable DVD player. They can't handle the complaining. I've heard of parents going grocery shopping with their toddler-aged children sitting in the cart entranced by an iPhone. I see parents bribing their children with candy during church so they'll sit quietly. I see parents scheduling every hour of their school-aged kids' free time with music, language, sports, and tutoring. I'm not sure who is more afraid of boredom - the parents or the children. I totally get it though.  My first temptation, especially when I'm tired, is to turn on the electronics - hand them the iPad or pop in the video. Appeasement always works in the short-term. If I'm more energetic, my second temptation is engage them in some creative, imaginative building activity involving styrofoam balls and toothp

One core game principle is irrational self-confidence. This means having a belief in yourself that goes way beyond any kind of objective evidence. I heard a great example while visiting Garden City Church a couple weeks ago. Justin Buzzard is an alpha male who recently wrote a book called "Date Your Wife" . I haven't read it yet but the cover is straight-up alpha. Its a finger pointed right at you. The title should have been "Date Your Wife or Perish".  He was concluding a sermon series promoting his book and talking about having the courage to ask a girl out. When he was college student, he bemoaned the lack of casual dating at his Christian college. So he and his friend set out to start out a "dating revolution" (his term). They would ask as many girls as possible out on dates and they would repeat this mantra to themselves: Women want to be with us. You get rejected. It doesn't matter - just move on. Because women want to be with

I've always wanted to be tall. That didn't work out so well and I've settled for getting bigger. So now I lift weights, a pastime that I've taken up in fits and starts over the years. I thought about drinking protein shakes to get huge. Judy said no. She said I don't want you to become one of those guys. The Short Buffed Asian Guy (SBAG). It seems I'm not the only one to consider this approach. Legions of SBAGs testify to this. And it seem like the shorter you are, the more muscular you have to be in order to compensate for one's lack of height. I don't know any tall buffed Asian guys (Jeremy Lin does not count - he clearly has a neck). So what's with this phenomenon? First, Asian men are on average shorter than American men. And in my book, anyone 5'8" or under is short (which includes me). There are all kinds of insecurities that go with being short, especially for men. You look up to people. You make less   money . You fee