Rant of the Exiles

  Please don't take this poem the wrong way But narcissism is a gift when you're a leader A scoop of self-consuming tendencies  Can take your organization to the next level No more worrying about what other people think No need to listen to and receive feedback No more second-guessing yourself Every decision you make is right and good You'll sleep well at night knowing  It's always someone else's fault and never yours No more anxiety about the future or the past Because you own tomorrow as well as yesterday and today Rules and regulations are for other people Never forget that you’re the exception If you break a rule that might be meant for you You can always pretend you didn’t know Willful ignorance and good intentions Can justify any of your actions You’re the hammer; everyone else is a nail Build that wall and pound away What’s good for you is good for everyone else That’s the core belief of a self-focused person Never deviate from that narrative It makes the wor...

I often hear complaints from Asian American that roughly go like this: “I’m a victim of low self-esteem because of how my Asian immigrant parents shamed me during my childhood. The way forward is to resent my parents and their shaming tactics and to avoid shaming experiences in the future.” According to American's society’s leading shame popularizer, Brene Brown, shame is the "intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It’s not that this definition is 100% incorrect rather that it’s incomplete, vague, and subjective. It focuses only on the individual’s emotional experience of shame. Before shame became public emotional enemy #1, there were Asians. Eastern cultures have been centered around honor and shame for thousands of years. While it's likely that most Westerners have a different understanding of shame, the consequences for this knowledge gap are more severe for those who are bicult...

I was joking with a friend who recently starting dating about how we should help arranged marriage make a comeback. She felt some anxiety around her dating journey and wondered how she could tell if her relationship was progressing "correctly". Her comment reflected a common anxiety I hear about Christian dating. One might compare it to making travel plans in a third world country. You're trying to decide how to leave the airport while all kinds of people are trying to get your attention - rickshaw drivers, travel agents, bus people, beggars, taxi drivers. And you have questions in your head like: Am I doing this right? Where should I be going? How do I know if I'm getting there? And most significantly, how do I safely disembark from the vehicle if the need arises? It is certainly easier to outsource this decision to interested and more experienced parties. And the travel analogy breaks down because marriage has far greater implications than tourism. Spouse...

One of the most common complaints I hear from people about Christians is why are we so judgmental when the Bible teaches us not to judge? The reality is Christians, and all people for that matter, make judgments all the time. We speculate on the validity of Obama's Christian faith. We give our opinions on whether so-and-so is saved. Asian Americans judge people who use the term "Oriental" to describe Asians. We definitely judge non-Asians who ask us: "Where are you REALLY from?" We judge people who listen to country music, don't recycle, or compulsively Instagram pictures of their food. The idea of Christians making judgments about others highlights an area where teachings of the Bible feel contradictory. In certain passages, God tells us to judge. In other places, He tells us not to.  In almost all of these cases, the scripture passage is being quoted out of context. The Bible does not teach whether we are supposed to judge. That is a given becau...

I talked with a lapsed Catholic who doubts the existence of God and believes all religions are the same. He asked some good questions and it got me thinking. If there is no God, how would I live differently? If I had grown up without believing in the existence of God (which I did until I was 13 years old), what would my life look like?  It's a more of a practical question than a philosophical one. I thought about it for awhile. It felt a little strange to imagine life without God.  But then I decided my life would not be that different.  I would have gone to college. Probably the same school. All my friends from high school went to college. I would have chosen the same major - business administration - because I didn't like math but needed a technical-sounded field that brought honor to my Asian-ness. I would have a job. Of course I wouldn't be a pastor but I would probably work in high-tech. After college, I would have gone into management consult...