Rant of the Exiles

Psalm 131 1 O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high;  I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. 2 But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. 3 O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore. I recently preached a sermon from Psalms 131. It was a scary message to preach because my personality and temperament are diametrically opposed to calm, quiet, and not occupying myself with great and marvelous thoughts. I love noise, chaos, and thinking deep and philosophical thoughts. I seldom think a thought is too great and marvelous for me. In light of these barriers, I spent most of the sermon highlighting all the obstacles we face in calming and quieting ourselves with God. I talked about not getting a good night's rest. I talked about tossing and turning endlessly to find the perfect sleeping position. I confessed how, in the wee hours of...

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash If what one has to say is not better than silence, then one should keep silent. - Confucius When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. - Proverbs 10:19 In this past year’s movement to promote racial and cultural awareness, it is a painful irony that we, as Asian Americans, are derided for one of the unique virtues we possess. This post is a response to slogans like "silence is complicity", for allies to appreciate the underrated value of silence particularly in Asian culture, and an encouragement for Asian Americans to experience freedom from shame and guilt when we are silent. I want to argue that silence is a valid option in a culture that places great value on the frequency, volume, and pitch of emotional self-expression. In a world of shouting and noise, silence is crucial. I am deeply grateful for my Asian American brothers and sisters who have spoken up during this unique season where a...

  Photo by  Priscilla Du Preez  on  Unsplash This is the third part in a series on unsolvable problems in marriage. Here are links to Part I and Part II . Part III addresses how to articulate one's needs when it comes to marital gridlock. John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work defines marital gridlock as perpetual conflicts over personality and value differences. We're bombarded by messages in our culture that communication solves relationship problems. But I suspect many of us, particularly men, ask ourselves: "What is the purpose of conversation? We talk a lot, it doesn't solve anything, and sometimes I wish we could just enjoy being with each other rather than airing our problems." Questions shape how we see and experience the world. If one sees the primary goal of communication as solving problems, then talking can trigger fear, sadness, and anger when we don’t detect progress, our needs aren’t being met, and every conversation is a ham...

The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. - Genesis 2:25 This is the second part of addressing unsolvable marriage conflicts. The first part is here . In this post, I'll examine the importance of unearthing hidden needs when encountering marital gridlock. This approach is based on John Gottman's research and books, in particular, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work . Recently, Judy and I disagreed about what rules to govern kids’ time and access electronic devices. We have had this parenting argument often, spanning close to two decades. It goes like this: I’m too permissive and she’s too strict. Judy sees me as the appeaser - unwilling to sacrifice momentary discomfort in order to build our kids’ self-control and attention span. I see her as the rigid and cold disciplinarian - unwilling to allow our kids the freedom to learn bound...

Photo by  Annie Spratt  on  Unsplash Revelation 2:4-5 [God speaking to the angel of the church in Ephesus] But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent , and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent . [emphasis mine] Luke 24:46-47 [newly resurrected Jesus addressing two disciples] And said to them, Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, 47 and that r epentance and forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. [emphasis mine] In early February, I met up in-person to explore a friend of a friend's interest in Quicksilver Church. I’ll call him Eli.  Eli shared his observation that so many churches have ignored Jesus’ teaching about repentance and instead focus solely on preaching mercy, grace...

Mark 1:40-41 And a leper came to him, imploring him, and kneeling said to him, If you will, you can make me clean. 41 Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him and said to him, I will; be clean. I sat in a McDonald’s hours before the governor of California announced a shelter-in-place directive for Santa Clara County residents. Social distancing was already in full effect - every other table had a sign “DO NOT SIT”. The McDonald’s near my home has two rooms - a main dining room where the counters and drink station are, and a side dining area where the restrooms are located. An older Asian woman sat fifteen feet away from me at a table. I heard her begin to cough. Once she started coughing, a person sitting in the room immediately got up and left. Another customer walked in and abruptly turned around.  If the devil wanted to devise a scheme to further create division and alienation, he would concoct a novel illness that would not kill the healthy but...

This article was originally published at SOLA Network on June 4th, 2019. In a previous post , I took issue with Brene Brown’s definition of shame and examined how we often overlook how shame occurs in the context of relationship and is the pain of disconnection. I defined shame as the exposure of a relational rift caused by one’s party misalignment with another party’s stated values. It can (and often does) result in thoughts of being worthless. And yet the act of incurring shame can also be a redemptive gift because of what Jesus has done. The shame of Jesus has two purposes: First, the misalignment of values rebukes the injustice embedded in the religious system at the time. The Messiah’s disgrace exposes the self-seeking nature of the Jewish ruling authority. Second, the shame of Jesus is evangelistic. It indicates to the world there is no person who falls so far in disgrace that Jesus is unwilling to fall deeper to catch. In other words, Jesus suffered shame to heal the rif...

In a post that I have now removed, I made an analogy between therapy and prostitution. I  apologize for the hurt it caused. The analogy was intentionally absurd and offensive. A friend asked me what lessons I learned from the response to the post. Here are several notable ones plus an explanation of what I was trying to do: First, I believe therapy is extremely helpful. My life has been changed for the better through interactions with my therapist. My marriage is stronger and my relationship with my kids healthier because of work I did in therapy. Over the past fifteen years, I’ve recommended and seen dozens of people benefit from therapy. As I’ve noted elsewhere, I had no intention of disparaging therapy though I recognize that contradicts the repugnancy of the comparison. Second, it hurts to be misunderstood. I could sense the outrage behind some of the responses because commenters perceived I misunderstood therapy and in doing so, misunderstood their experience and misun...