Rant of the Exiles

The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. - Genesis 2:25 This is the second part of addressing unsolvable marriage conflicts. The first part is here . In this post, I'll examine the importance of unearthing hidden needs when encountering marital gridlock. This approach is based on John Gottman's research and books, in particular, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work . Recently, Judy and I disagreed about what rules to govern kids’ time and access electronic devices. We have had this parenting argument often, spanning close to two decades. It goes like this: I’m too permissive and she’s too strict. Judy sees me as the appeaser - unwilling to sacrifice momentary discomfort in order to build our kids’ self-control and attention span. I see her as the rigid and cold disciplinarian - unwilling to allow our kids the freedom to learn bound...

Photo by  Annie Spratt  on  Unsplash Revelation 2:4-5 [God speaking to the angel of the church in Ephesus] But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent , and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent . [emphasis mine] Luke 24:46-47 [newly resurrected Jesus addressing two disciples] And said to them, Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, 47 and that r epentance and forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. [emphasis mine] In early February, I met up in-person to explore a friend of a friend's interest in Quicksilver Church. I’ll call him Eli.  Eli shared his observation that so many churches have ignored Jesus’ teaching about repentance and instead focus solely on preaching mercy, grace...

I totally judge people. I’ve tried really hard most of my life not to judge people. I mean, Jesus said not to do it.  I've also seen so much unintentionally damaging effects of criticism and negative judgment. I’ve done it often myself. I know when I offer feedback I'm not setting out to condemn but that’s exactly how it’s experienced by the recipient.  Therefore, I want to share five steps I’ve learned to steer my observations and interpretations away from condemnation and criticism and towards encouragement and support. 1) Acknowledge your judgmental attitude and thoughts: After all these years of trying to suppress my feelings of judgment and condemnation, I now recognize it doesn’t work. Simply repeating “Stop judging” to myself doesn’t help. My judgmental thoughts don’t go away simply because I want them to. So I have learned to own them, acknowledge them, and confess them before God and it helps move beyond just hearing and being paralyzed by these negative and...

I recently taught my kids about the power of compounding . It’s a finance term that refers to the exponential growth of an investment. You invest a small sum of money which earns an annual return that is re-invested and over time, accumulates into a large sum. Compounding has a  snowball effect . The chart above demonstrates how saving the exact amount but starting ten years earlier can make a huge difference. Emily contributes 33% more than Dave but ends up with twice as much wealth because of the additional time her money has spent compounding. Finance bloggers extend the principle of compounding to other areas of life . One example is mountain biking . They write about how a skill can be broken down into various incremental steps or sub-skills. Working on one sub-skill at a time generates a compounding effect. I have been playing basketball for over thirty years. My body has deteriorated in the past decade but I’ve continued to work on my skill set. In my teens, I played as o...

Here's the  link  to the best Christian response I've found to the Supreme Court's 5-4 vote to legalizing same-sex marriage in all 50 states.   The Background:  I first heard about about the decision through Facebook. A number of my friends and youth in our church celebrated the ruling through social media posting, with the most popular expression being rainbow-filtered profile pics.   The conservative Christian response could not provide a starker contrast. There's a sense of loss and tragedy. There's a sense of hiding out and starting a commune. There's a sense of panic and consternation. There's a lot of fear, especially for our children. A friend of mine half-jokingly said we should move our families run off to a European country where laws follow traditional Christian sexual ethics. Like many in this camp, I too was initially saddened when I heard about the court decision. But here's my conundrum: I have ...

(My take on a popular meme) Everywhere I look, people are in relationships. They gaze into the unwavering eyes of their significant other. They fixate over their companion while walking in the day. In the evening, their faces gleam from the glow of romance. A month ago, I took the plunge and joined them. I got a smartphone. She was my first and we dated for 30 days. She was good to me. She helped me arrange my appointments. She was great with my kids. And she kept me in the loop with everything going on. We played a lot of games together too (Bloons TD 5). Good times. But there were downsides. I never imagined dating someone so high-maintenance. I felt like I had to check in with her at all times. She constantly demanded my attention. The worst thing is she made ME feel like I was the needy one. I couldn't believe how quickly she would get drained. I could hang with my old pals for days on end. But with her, after an hour of games, she was completely us...

 The question matters to Lady Gaga  There’s only one person in the world with the dubious distinction of betraying the Son of God so that he would be condemned to die on a wooden stake. Judas Iscariot. Judas was one of Jesus’ twelve chosen disciples. He likely spent close to three years with Jesus, wandering the countryside, preaching and teaching in cities, and witnessing Jesus’ miracles. At some point in Jesus’ public ministry, Judas contacted the chief priests and temple guard to discuss how he might secretly hand Jesus over to them. They were delighted and agreed to pay him thirty pieces of silver. Judas completed his act of treachery on the evening of the last supper. A crowd approached their group and Judas kissed Jesus as a sign to indicate that he was the one. Later, after Jesus was sentenced to death, Judas, with deep regret over what he did, returned the silver, and hanged himself. Was Judas forgiven? The question matters because we want to belie...