Rant of the Exiles

Money has a mystical quality. In ages past (aka 10 years ago), people carried around paper currency. New, crisp bills had a sacred aura. The stamped sheets of green had a fresh aroma like a new car. And then there were metallic circles called coins. I remember my parents used to collect pennies in rolls. I haven't seen a roll of pennies in years and I'm certain it functions better as a paperweight.  Technology has worked to make money invisible and touchless. It's no longer a physical transaction. We pay our credit cards online and shift them out of our attention through auto-pay. We set up recurring donations to our local church or charity. Taxes, healthcare premiums, and 401(k) contributions are automatically deducted from our paychecks and the remainder is directly deposited to our bank accounts. Even as money has become less visible, it's also become more visible in strange and magical ways. Every now and then, I scroll through my Venmo public transaction feed and g...

Photo by  Tim Mossholder  on  Unsplash Once your children are old enough to get involved in activities, you will spend a lot of time driving them around. Even though Judy and I restrict the number of activities our kids are involved in, with four kids, it’s still a lot of driving. I’ve been told car rides are a great place for parents to bond with kids. They’re a captive audience and you can ask them any kind of question. I agree but it’s not easy. Here are some specific tips to help make conversation with your kids during car rides: 1. Think of specific questions, conversation topics, and games for longer drives: Most of making conversation is observing people and seeing what they do; I’ve had two separate sex talks with my boys in the car. During college, I remember my dad driving me somewhere and without transition, asked me a deeply personal question. I think we were talking about the weather and then he said “So do you masturbate?” That was so memorably awk...

My son, Caleb, graduated from high school this past May. I wanted to celebrate the milestone with an event that would foster a sense of dignity about becoming a man while also conveying responsibility and vulnerability in regards to power.  Months earlier, I told my friend Jon about my son’s imminent adulthood. Jon described how he hosted a manhood blessing event when his son turned 18 years old. He gathered a group of men that had spent time with his son. He called it Knights, Warriors, and Barbarians: The Commissioning of Sam. There were copious amounts of grilled meat. And each man spoke a blessing over his son. I loved everything about it except the name. Chivalry, protection, and courage are vital aspects of manhood but violence has a tainted narrative. The process of planning and executing this event was greatly meaningful to me. So much so, that I debated whether and how to write about it. My indecision finally broke after I recounted the manhood blessing night to...

My dad and I in Southorn Playground When I was a kid, one of my enduring memories of my dad was lectures he gave my brother and me about his impoverished upbringing. He would regale us with tales of how hard he worked to gain entrance into National Taiwan University, make it to America, obtain a master’s degree, get a job at IBM, become a successful project manager, and then own an expensive home in Almaden Valley. I have not so fond memories of sitting there in guilt and shame as he described to my brother and me the circumstances he overcame because of his diligent work ethic. That was an enduring paternal narrative of my childhood. Unlike his immigrant peers, he didn’t put as much pressure on me or my brother to succeed but he was extremely critical of us and quick to point all the advantages we grow up with that he did not.  And then when I was around 13 years old, my dad became a follower of Jesus and his narrative gradually began to shift. It didn’t become apparent t...

[Spoiler alert - no major plot twists revealed but I quote from the book. I haven’t seen the show] My wife cautioned me when I picked it up. “It’s really feminist.” She told me a couple times. I hadn’t read a Margaret Atwood book yet but heard she was an amazing writer and the TV show was getting press.  The Handmaid’s Tale is a great novel. It accomplishes exactly what dystopian fiction is meant to do - to imagine contemporary culture, twisted in one particular way so that its corresponding ripple effect reverberates throughout every aspect of society. The prose is brilliant, the images evocative, but most of all, it’s haunting. There’s a sense of dread that accompanies the main character, Offred, throughout the story. The narrative is told solely from Offred’s perspective, as if you’re reading her diary. There are moments when the storm clouds of dread momentarily clear and rays of light peek through. The tension keeps ratcheting up, with brief episodes of dissipation. Al...

Kevin Kwan’s 2013 book, Crazy Rich Asians , tells a modern tale of the ultra-rich Chinese diaspora in Singapore. The novel has now been made into a movie coming out August 17th that stars Constance Wu of Fresh off the Boat fame. The book follows three families - the Youngs, T’siens, and Shangs. The central protagonists are Nick Young and his girlfriend, Rachel Chu. Nick is from an old money, ultra-rich Singaporean Chinese family. Rachel is an American-born Chinese (ABC) who grew up middle-class in Cupertino and has no clue about Nick’s family background.  They’re both professors at NYU which is where they meet and begin dating. The plot of the book surrounds Rachel’s visit to Singapore, being initiated into Nick’s ultra-rich family (who  have  no idea she exists), and the hijinks that ensue.  One enjoyable and unique thing about the book is the sprinkling of Malay, Mandarin, and Cantonese phrases in dialogue throughout. It’s classic Chinglish. That’s ...

[3,100 words, 11 minute read] The sex talk is one of the most dreaded conversations parents anticipate having with their children. To make things easier, an entire industry exists to help parents with sex education. Dozens of books have been written to help parents navigate this treacherous topic with their progeny. One of the best known among evangelicals is called the Passport 2 Purity Getaway package . It is produced by FamilyLife, a division of Cru (former Campus Crusade for Christ) and consists of a five lecture CD package including a journal and exercises designed as a weekend retreat for a pre-pubescent child and his/her parent(s). Passport 2 Purity was not my initiative. Our trip came about because Judy had heard from several home-schooling mom friends how they had taken their daughters on a road trip to go through the CDs. She even heard how a mom took a trip with husband and two sons to through the curriculum. So a couple months ago, Judy suggested we take our two older boy...