Rant of the Exiles

I've always imagined starting a company with friends. I can't think of a product we would make. I'm not sure it even matters. I just want to work with people that inspire me. I want to work with a team where we have similar values, close friendships, and are working to accomplish something big together.  When Kevin Durant, Stephen Curry and Andre Igoudala came together on the US national team in 2010, they were inseparable . Not only did they share a preternatural work ethic - they would get shots up in the evening after practice - they also shared a common devotion to their faith as the guys went to chapel together before every game. From what I understand, USA basketball and the NBA do not require chapel attendance. It's for guys who are both serious about their faith and not ashamed to be public about it. There's something significant about being devout believers on a professional sports team. I can't imagine the NBA being an easy place to live out you...

I write a lot about marriage because I think it's important. But I often neglect the greater subset of which marriage is contained, that of friendship. I am fortunate to have married my best friend but she cannot be my only friend nor does she even remotely understand significant aspects of who I am (and the same is true of me to her). In Jack Donovan's words, I need a squad that will hold down the perimeter with me. I need a group of brothers who can walk with me and I them as we roll through the bumps of life. I need male friends.  I've never been good at being friends. It's difficult for me to keep in touch with others. I'm a here and now person and when I don't see a buddy regularly, it's easy for me to either forget about him or be unwilling to expend the effort to hang out. Even worse, when I do see people regularly, I tend to get bored of them. Judy was concerned when we first got married that I would get bored of her (after seventeen years...

Uncle Drew schooling a young blood I am the Lebron James of nursing home conversation. Elderly people don't intimidate me, I intimidate them. When I swagger into the foyer of a skilled nursing facility, 90-year old women with walkers quake from paralyzing fear (or arthritis). They know what is coming next: talk smack-down. The grizzled love to sharing their lives with me. They tell stories non-stop and we laugh and cry together. I am the magician of geriatric confabulation, the Gandalf of gabbing with the gray, and the vicar of venerable vulnerability.   Two weeks ago in Missouri, I went to two nursing homes with Asian Christian kids. Those young bloods did great. This post is not for them. It's for the adults who are still making young blood mistakes. We're taught to ask questions. Questions are good. They are the dribbling and passing of conversational skills. They are foundational. If you don't know how to talk to someone, asking questions is essential. And ask...

Recently, a couple guy friends told me their plans to have a "Define-The-Relationship" (DTR) with women in whom they had a romantic interest. It got me thinking about when a DTR is necessary and when it's not.  When two people discuss their mutual understanding of a romantic relationship (casual dating, serious boyfriend, etc). -   Urban Dictionary definition of DTR False Advertising  A DTR is a discussion about how to label a relationship.   Labels are important . Without labels, it's easy for men to manipulate women and easy for women to be manipulated (the converse happens as well but it's not a labeling issue*). In this   award-winning essay , a young woman, Jordana Narin shares about the one-way relationship she developed with a guy. The object of her affection is clearly a douchebag but the tragic part is Narin completely fell for it because among other issues, their relationship never bore a label.  Narin emotionally and sexually b...

Pierce Brown's follow-up  to his debut novel Red Rising is better than the first book in his trilogy. The second I finished it, I looked up from the couch and said to Judy and Caleb: That was so good. That was so GOOD. That was SO good. Brown is an incredible story teller. There all kinds of twists. The action and pacing are relentless. The kill count is high. There's pretty much every variety of intrigue and betrayal. Brown is a master at getting you inside the main character, Darrow, and understanding his motivations. He is a classic tragic hero. The premise of the trilogy is a conspiracy to overthrow the universe's color caste system. Golds are the master race - bred to rule with an iron fist. They are literally, gold in complexion and have gold sigils on their hands and different physiology. Only like colors can breed with each other so they're like different species. Then you have, among others, Silvers (businessmen), Blues (ship pilots), Greens (prog...

Marc from the UK responds to my last post: I have to be honest, the "friend zone" concept that seems to be prevalent in today's culture (particularly American culture) is a little strange to me. Perhaps it's just a cultural thing.. But I don't find it useful to look at things in that way, this is why: I agree that believing you can win a girls' affection by being a good girlfriend is a myth, and I've often witnessed a "nice guy" who's chasing a girl that isn't into him, the more he does for her the more she loses respect for him. However, I believe that developing a friendship with someone you're interested in is a good thing. It seems that in US culture (I've never lived in the US but I went to an American school in Germany for a year) when a guy is interested, he'll often make his intention known straight away and ask the girl out on a "date". The issue I see with this is that often an individual will form ro...