Rant of the Exiles

In Brene Brown's TED talk, "Listening to Shame" , she talks about the power of shame. It's a speech that is widely popular among women. But towards the end of her address, she shares an observation a man made to her about shame and gender - 'Men are just as controlled by shame because we're ashamed of weakness'.  It would only appear that men are shameless. But it turns out they're just as afraid of being shamed as much as anyone else. It's just their shame has one specific dimension - a man is desperately afraid of appearing weak, helpless, and dependent. And a man would rather isolate himself than expose himself to anything that appears like weakness. This rings true with me. In eastern and western culture, masculine vulnerability is frowned upon. Men don't show weakness because weakness and manhood are incompatible. In eastern culture, sharing weakness, pain, sadness or failure is a threat to community. Vulnerability risks eroding t...

Haley's Halo, a Christian game blog that I enjoy reading, posed this question: Should Christians flirt at all? The short answer? An unequivocal YES. Here's a brief summary of the argument on both sides: Cons of flirting: Leads to confusion, could be easily misconstrued as an indicator of romantic interest, members of the opposite sex could lead each other on and send inappropriate signals, can be a barrier to deeper intimacy, a can lead to pain, heartbreak, and rejection Pros of flirting: Indicates a sense of humor, comfort with others, ability to build rapport, social ease and comfort, demonstrates romantic interest, can help begin/grow a dating relationship, is enjoyable and fun And here's my argument for why Christians should flirt (with some observations): 1) Flirting builds relationships.  It is a social skill. Like any social skill, flirting helps strengthen a relationship. Flirting has the specific intent of building rapport. It greases the s...

Jeremy Lin, by most accounts, is having a an excellent season. After sub-par season in Houston last year, Lin is meeting the lofty expectations that followed him after he left New York. And he is no less important of a role model to Asian Americans.  This encapsulates the argument Jay Kaspian Kang puts forward in a recent article . Kang acknowledges the difficulty of negotiating two extremes - on the one hand, Jeremy Lin is a really big deal and on the other, we should act as it's perfectly normal for Asian Americans to make the NBA. We don't have the luxury to pretend we don't need Jeremy Lin or act as if he's not that big of a deal. Kang writes: It's discomforting to say, but the Asian American community still needs Jeremy Lin as a rallying point. The "Chink in the Armor"  moment marked the first time in my life that we, as a unified people, voiced our outrage. Since then, Asian American outrage has become its own meme. Some video will come out ...

I see a man walking down the street headed towards me All sorts of issues in his life and knows nothing about God A broken man - you can tell these things - probably a dealer He is but he's not My son works on a pumpkin and I offer my help He turns me down and stiffens his upper lip  A rebellious boy - overly sensitive - wants things his own way He is but he's not The wife I love is frazzled and tired I hate it when she cuts me off while I'm talking A fearful woman long burdened with obligation She is but she's not I ride a bucking bronco of emotion Shifting from rested to raging in three seconds flat A tormented soul pushes away those he wants near I am but I'm not Our mortal shell bleeds rupture and weakness Some far away creature that dwells close by We follow the beast, cleaning up it's trail of damage  It is us but it's not Paul says we do not accord anyone to the flesh Because one died for all and w...

I asked my oldest son recently who he thought was more humble -I or a friend of mine. He replied without my hesitation that it was my friend. I laughed. And I get the irony.  A humble person would have never asked the question.  But unwilling to miss a teaching opportunity, I pointed out that just because people draw attention away from themselves doesn't mean that they're humble. That's modesty.  Humility is making others more important than yourself.  Modesty is thinking less of yourself (or at least minimizing attention on yourself) and that's only half of it.  I would argue it's the less important half. It's more valuable to think more about others than to try to stop thinking about yourself.  Asian culture values modesty but that's not the same thing as humility. Eastern culture is much more restrained in emotional expression and individual rights. This promotes humility but it's not a natural byproduct. You can be modest wi...

I read John Rosemond's stuff . He is a so-called parenting expert. It's not a title he likes because he sees parenting as common sense. But common sense is increasingly less common in today's society. I'm totally with him on that. In this month's column, he responds to a parent's question about what constitutes normal behavior. (I've put the entire thing here because his website doesn't have it yet) Q: Several months back, our just-turned 3-year-old son invented an imaginary friend whom he calls Larry. We're worried because he seems involved to the point of being obsessed with him. He plays with Larry almost constantly, talking to him all the while. When we go somewhere, I have to pretend that Larry is coming along too. I've drawn the line at setting a place at the table for him, explaining to our son that I feed Larry after he's gone to bed. When our son is with other children his age, he plays well, but has a sort of take-it-or-leave-...

He doesn't wear a cape but he should Dear women of all ethnicities, I can't tell you how excited I am to share something with you. Let me set it up for you first. We Asian guys have a pretty bad rap.  There are statistics like Asian men have to make $247,000 more annually in order to receive the same response rate as white men on online dating sites . I've also been contemplating putting up a post titled: "Why Asian guys are more feminine". It lists the biological and cultural for why Asian men are less attractive relative to other races, specifically white guys. Examples: 1) we're smaller in stature with less body hair 2) our culture is more passive, less independent, and more emotionally restrained which rewards Asian women but punishes Asian men 3) the self-selecting population of Asian immigrants in the bay area tends to be high IQ and low EQ. In sum, I want to complain, whine, bemoan, have you feel sorry for us, blah blah blah. Enter...