Rant of the Exiles

I hear the refrain so often. “I’m just looking for community” I hear it from single people. I hear it from married people. I hear it from parents with kids. But mostly I hear it from young people. So many young people. I hear resounding loneliness. I hear the pain of disconnection. I read about skyrocketing rates of mental health issues for young adults such as anxiety, depression, suicide rates, etc.. There is an increasing body of research on the real physiological damage that comes from social trauma and displacement. And yet in spite of the longing for community, emerging adults are less likely to attend church than prior generations of young adults. I hear people complain they don’t feel like they belong, that they’re not being fed, that they feel excluded, that people are judging them, and so forth. And I look at them and I just don’t understand how they can feel those things so powerfully when they barely show up to church. Of course, you feel excluded when you’re not r...

[In one of the wettest Februarys in recent memory, a reflection on the book of Romans.] In parched land, dry straits Paul opens the floodgates Israel finds the first spring Come thou fount all nations sing Faithful father Abraham’s kin Not known by cut skin His children find their start As ones cut to the heart Law condemns sin to death Flame burns sucking breath Drought and fire blacken lands Black hearts, black feet, black hands Adam’s blaze consumed all Second Adam’s rain rights Fall Washed clean from scab and ash Scars healed as waters splash In newness of life we gleam Saturated in righteous steam Unsoiled hearts do not wick Water seeps deep and thick Baptized with Christ we die Raised in life to sin defy Born of water, born of wind Born no longer slave to sin Spirit streams none can see But moisture is reality Outside the world may burn Inside dew of Spirit churns Water nourishes and grows ...

The New York times ran an article covering a study about how the academic gender gap starts later in life for Asian American boys. The academic gender gap means, on average, girls outperform boys in school. The gap starts as early as kindergarten and continues into college. However, there’s one exception: Asian American boys keep up with Asian American girls throughout elementary and then begin to lag as a group during adolescence. The article explains: "[Boys] get the message that doing well in school is not masculine, social scientists say. Even in peer groups that prize good grades, it’s considered uncool to seem to try hard to earn them. Asian-American boys are somehow sheltered from that message in early childhood. The reasons could give parents and teachers information about how to help boys of all races reach their full potential." At my affluent suburban school in Silicon Valley, the social culture I was immersed in emphasized being smart being smart but not ...

Poetry is an accident on the freeway Poetry is frustration A dreadful inconvenience An obstacle that prevents you  From getting where you want to go  As fast as you expect to get there An interruption to your regularly scheduled programming A careless intervention  Into your carefully structured life Your blissful reverie broken Your mobility halted or slowed Forced to tail the bumper of the car in front Forced to gaze upon someone else’s destruction Forced to share in a collision Poetry is a journey delayed Poetry is personal invasion The worst and the best at once An opportunity to consider life and death An invitation to think about someone else  A chance to step outside yourself Or to think about yourself from another’s perspective Or to feel another’s pain Or to stop and help Or not Poetry is waiting Poetry is witness There are others seeing the same scene But they are irrelevant because ...

I often hear complaints from Asian American that roughly go like this: “I’m a victim of low self-esteem because of how my Asian immigrant parents shamed me during my childhood. The way forward is to resent my parents and their shaming tactics and to avoid shaming experiences in the future.” According to American's society’s leading shame popularizer, Brene Brown, shame is the "intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It’s not that this definition is 100% incorrect rather that it’s incomplete, vague, and subjective. It focuses only on the individual’s emotional experience of shame. Before shame became public emotional enemy #1, there were Asians. Eastern cultures have been centered around honor and shame for thousands of years. While it's likely that most Westerners have a different understanding of shame, the consequences for this knowledge gap are more severe for those who are bicult...

A friend at church and I were talking about dating. She met her current boyfriend on the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel. She observed there were a significant number of church members who had met each other on the app but had not previously met or gotten know one another through our church. She said: Men don’t initiate. Men are stupid.  I don’t think men are stupid. I don’t think people are stupid. I think people, for the most part, behave rationally. Let’s take a food analogy. Before processed food, people had to spend time making and preparing a roast beef sandwich for lunch. They needed fresh meat, bread, and condiments. And then they had to assemble and eat it the same day. Today, people eat a tremendous amount of processed food. For example, Lunchables are easy, convenient, and last forever. You don’t have to make them, you don’t have to package them, and they taste good. By many metrics, Lunchables are nutritious. However, it’s becoming increasingly apparent tha...

This post is different from what I usually blog about as I have many friends with loved ones who are experiencing serious medical issues. In these situations, besides being present, it’s hard to know how to be helpful, especially when sitting in on conversations with doctors. My brother , who has been a practicing physician for twelve years, recommended a book that I found incredibly useful for facilitating conversations between doctors and patients. So whether you’re a patient or the loved one of a patient, here are my takeaways on how to communicate with your doctor from Jerome Groopman’s How Doctors Think :  1) The doctor wants to help: People tend to have a polarized view of doctors. On one hand, I’ve noticed people who have a deep mistrust of health care providers. They’ve had a past negative experience that casts a long shadow. They believe doctors are lazy, dismissive, condescending, and withhold crucial information. However, one study suggests up to 83% of diagnoses...