Rant of the Exiles

My dad and I in Southorn Playground When I was a kid, one of my enduring memories of my dad was lectures he gave my brother and me about his impoverished upbringing. He would regale us with tales of how hard he worked to gain entrance into National Taiwan University, make it to America, obtain a master’s degree, get a job at IBM, become a successful project manager, and then own an expensive home in Almaden Valley. I have not so fond memories of sitting there in guilt and shame as he described to my brother and me the circumstances he overcame because of his diligent work ethic. That was an enduring paternal narrative of my childhood. Unlike his immigrant peers, he didn’t put as much pressure on me or my brother to succeed but he was extremely critical of us and quick to point all the advantages we grow up with that he did not.  And then when I was around 13 years old, my dad became a follower of Jesus and his narrative gradually began to shift. It didn’t become apparent t...

The fog drifts in Surrounding all in quiet embrace Trees wrapped in mist Real masked by cloud The road is obscured My path is blank Objects are hidden Wisps whip past There is no sky There is no firmament There is only gray mass A cage of cloud trapping me Driving in fog Searching for a collision Blind and confused Barely seeing in front of me Uncertain of direction Unclear on the route Unsettled in mind Unseen obstacles in my path What does my future hold? Where are you, God? Why have you forsaken me? How can I see clearly? Frantic in thought Frenetic in action Heartbeat races But I drive on Frozen in fear Yet faster I go Faster to nowhere Further to go or too far past? But the LORD is the fog Stop moving Stop thinking Stop planning Stop searching Stop You cannot see me Because you’re moving You cannot feel me Because you’re too busy talking You need only to be still To see...

I hear the refrain so often. “I’m just looking for community” I hear it from single people. I hear it from married people. I hear it from parents with kids. But mostly I hear it from young people. So many young people. I hear resounding loneliness. I hear the pain of disconnection. I read about skyrocketing rates of mental health issues for young adults such as anxiety, depression, suicide rates, etc.. There is an increasing body of research on the real physiological damage that comes from social trauma and displacement. And yet in spite of the longing for community, emerging adults are less likely to attend church than prior generations of young adults. I hear people complain they don’t feel like they belong, that they’re not being fed, that they feel excluded, that people are judging them, and so forth. And I look at them and I just don’t understand how they can feel those things so powerfully when they barely show up to church. Of course, you feel excluded when you’re not r...

[In one of the wettest Februarys in recent memory, a reflection on the book of Romans.] In parched land, dry straits Paul opens the floodgates Israel finds the first spring Come thou fount all nations sing Faithful father Abraham’s kin Not known by cut skin His children find their start As ones cut to the heart Law condemns sin to death Flame burns sucking breath Drought and fire blacken lands Black hearts, black feet, black hands Adam’s blaze consumed all Second Adam’s rain rights Fall Washed clean from scab and ash Scars healed as waters splash In newness of life we gleam Saturated in righteous steam Unsoiled hearts do not wick Water seeps deep and thick Baptized with Christ we die Raised in life to sin defy Born of water, born of wind Born no longer slave to sin Spirit streams none can see But moisture is reality Outside the world may burn Inside dew of Spirit churns Water nourishes and grows ...

The New York times ran an article covering a study about how the academic gender gap starts later in life for Asian American boys. The academic gender gap means, on average, girls outperform boys in school. The gap starts as early as kindergarten and continues into college. However, there’s one exception: Asian American boys keep up with Asian American girls throughout elementary and then begin to lag as a group during adolescence. The article explains: "[Boys] get the message that doing well in school is not masculine, social scientists say. Even in peer groups that prize good grades, it’s considered uncool to seem to try hard to earn them. Asian-American boys are somehow sheltered from that message in early childhood. The reasons could give parents and teachers information about how to help boys of all races reach their full potential." At my affluent suburban school in Silicon Valley, the social culture I was immersed in emphasized being smart being smart but not ...

Poetry is an accident on the freeway Poetry is frustration A dreadful inconvenience An obstacle that prevents you  From getting where you want to go  As fast as you expect to get there An interruption to your regularly scheduled programming A careless intervention  Into your carefully structured life Your blissful reverie broken Your mobility halted or slowed Forced to tail the bumper of the car in front Forced to gaze upon someone else’s destruction Forced to share in a collision Poetry is a journey delayed Poetry is personal invasion The worst and the best at once An opportunity to consider life and death An invitation to think about someone else  A chance to step outside yourself Or to think about yourself from another’s perspective Or to feel another’s pain Or to stop and help Or not Poetry is waiting Poetry is witness There are others seeing the same scene But they are irrelevant because ...

I often hear complaints from Asian American that roughly go like this: “I’m a victim of low self-esteem because of how my Asian immigrant parents shamed me during my childhood. The way forward is to resent my parents and their shaming tactics and to avoid shaming experiences in the future.” According to American's society’s leading shame popularizer, Brene Brown, shame is the "intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It’s not that this definition is 100% incorrect rather that it’s incomplete, vague, and subjective. It focuses only on the individual’s emotional experience of shame. Before shame became public emotional enemy #1, there were Asians. Eastern cultures have been centered around honor and shame for thousands of years. While it's likely that most Westerners have a different understanding of shame, the consequences for this knowledge gap are more severe for those who are bicult...