Skip to main content

Breaking up with my smartphone

(My take on a popular meme)

Everywhere I look, people are in relationships. They gaze into the unwavering eyes of their significant other. They fixate over their companion while walking in the day. In the evening, their faces gleam from the glow of romance. A month ago, I took the plunge and joined them.

I got a smartphone.

She was my first and we dated for 30 days. She was good to me. She helped me arrange my appointments. She was great with my kids. And she kept me in the loop with everything going on. We played a lot of games together too (Bloons TD 5). Good times.

But there were downsides. I never imagined dating someone so high-maintenance. I felt like I had to check in with her at all times. She constantly demanded my attention. The worst thing is she made ME feel like I was the needy one.

I couldn't believe how quickly she would get drained. I could hang with my old pals for days on end. But with her, after an hour of games, she was completely useless and needed to be recharged. I felt like I couldn't go far from home otherwise she might collapse on me. It happened a couple times. I so wanted her to be there for me when I needed her most but she left me hanging instead.

Things got worse. She almost took my children away. When I came home, my kids were more excited to see her than me. She would have a blast playing games with them, get exhausted, and then have no energy left for our relationship. She was like a drug. Attending to her was the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did at night. And of course we slept together. I didn't mean for things to progress so quickly. Everything just happened so fast.

I knew it was time to break up when she started cutting off conversations with my friends. I knew it wouldn't be an easy decision and she didn't take it well but with the support of some good buddies, I ended the relationship.

See you around, my Moto X-girlfriend*

Then one day, I was driving and we got in an argument. I was so distracted that I drove off the edge of a cliff and died. And now I'm writing from the other side to tell you that smartphones are evil and that you should never get in a relationship with one otherwise you'll end up being killed like me.

* I got the Moto X because my wife and I were paying Verizon $90 a month for two dumb phones and I found out I could get a phone with data for much cheaper than that. I switched to Republic Wireless for $10 a month (unlimited calling/text, unlimited data wifi-only, 30-day money back guarantee) but they use Sprint's network, which dropped calls in my area all the time. I never dropped a call with Verizon, so I switched to Page Plus, which uses Verizon's network and has a $12 plan (250 min, 250 txts) and now I'm back to my dumb old long-battery lived LG Cosmo II. You thought you were getting a moral fable about technology but you got a commercial instead.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Dad's Review of Passport 2 Purity

[3,100 words, 11 minute read] The sex talk is one of the most dreaded conversations parents anticipate having with their children. To make things easier, an entire industry exists to help parents with sex education. Dozens of books have been written to help parents navigate this treacherous topic with their progeny. One of the best known among evangelicals is called the Passport 2 Purity Getaway package . It is produced by FamilyLife, a division of Cru (former Campus Crusade for Christ) and consists of a five lecture CD package including a journal and exercises designed as a weekend retreat for a pre-pubescent child and his/her parent(s). Passport 2 Purity was not my initiative. Our trip came about because Judy had heard from several home-schooling mom friends how they had taken their daughters on a road trip to go through the CDs. She even heard how a mom took a trip with husband and two sons to through the curriculum. So a couple months ago, Judy suggested we take our two older boy
24 comments
Read more

Asian American Divorce Rate

I can't find recent data. Most of the stuff is at least five years old but by these estimates, the Asian American divorce rate is about 5%. I've got research from 2002 , 2008 for Asian Americans, and 2008 for Chinese Americans. The latest census data do not break out by race. In any case, a 5% divorce rate is about half the national average. Less divorce is a good thing. I would imagine that divorce does not bode well for personal fulfillment and many studies have shown it has a negative impact on children (too lazy to cite all the sources here). Of course, as one source argues, a lower divorce rate does not equate to a healthy marriage. There can be all kinds of abuse, dysfunction, and strife within marriage. All in all though, a lower divorce rate is one advantage of late marriage for Asian American men (and women). However, I believe a lower divorce rate is correlated with later marriage and there is no causation between the two. People who tend to be conservative,
4 comments
Read more

Why Asians Run Slower

My brother got me David Epstein's book The Sports Gene . It is a fascinating quick read. If you're interested in sports and science, it will enthrall you.  I finished it in three days. Epstein's point is that far more of an athlete's performance is due to genetics than due to the so-called "10,000 hour" rule promulgated by books such as Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell and Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin (both which are very good). The 10,000 hour rule states that any person can reach expert level of performance in a sport if they devote 10,000 hours of deliberate and intentional practice.  That's a lot of hours. Most people aren't capable of anywhere close. And that's precisely Epstein's point. Someone who devotes 10,000 hours of sport-specific practice is likely genetically gifted for the sport in extraordinary ways AND genetically gifted in their ability to persevere and benefit from practice. Therefore, a person who can pra
4 comments
Read more