Rant of the Exiles

(My take on a popular meme) Everywhere I look, people are in relationships. They gaze into the unwavering eyes of their significant other. They fixate over their companion while walking in the day. In the evening, their faces gleam from the glow of romance. A month ago, I took the plunge and joined them. I got a smartphone. She was my first and we dated for 30 days. She was good to me. She helped me arrange my appointments. She was great with my kids. And she kept me in the loop with everything going on. We played a lot of games together too (Bloons TD 5). Good times. But there were downsides. I never imagined dating someone so high-maintenance. I felt like I had to check in with her at all times. She constantly demanded my attention. The worst thing is she made ME feel like I was the needy one. I couldn't believe how quickly she would get drained. I could hang with my old pals for days on end. But with her, after an hour of games, she was completely us...

Sometimes it feels like married people conspire to make marriage appear better than it really is. It's not that marriage is bad but there are many misconceptions about what marriage looks like in today's society. We value romance and individual gratification over commitment and self-control.   I appreciate how colleges even offer classes to address this.  One misconception I would immediately clear up about marriage is that it will not fix you. I don't mean that marriage won't help in the following areas. Marriage is a wonderful context to enjoy companionship, experience sexual fulfillment, and boost self-image. But the act of tying the knot does not remedy our core longings. In the short term, marriage may appear to meet these needs but over the long-run, it exposes our issues and magnifies the consequences. Here are three areas that getting married does not fix: 1) Loneliness:  You get married thinking "Wow, now I have a lifelong companion - someone ...

In Brene Brown's TED talk, "Listening to Shame" , she talks about the power of shame. It's a speech that is widely popular among women. But towards the end of her address, she shares an observation a man made to her about shame and gender - 'Men are just as controlled by shame because we're ashamed of weakness'.  It would only appear that men are shameless. But it turns out they're just as afraid of being shamed as much as anyone else. It's just their shame has one specific dimension - a man is desperately afraid of appearing weak, helpless, and dependent. And a man would rather isolate himself than expose himself to anything that appears like weakness. This rings true with me. In eastern and western culture, masculine vulnerability is frowned upon. Men don't show weakness because weakness and manhood are incompatible. In eastern culture, sharing weakness, pain, sadness or failure is a threat to community. Vulnerability risks eroding t...

Haley's Halo, a Christian game blog that I enjoy reading, posed this question: Should Christians flirt at all? The short answer? An unequivocal YES. Here's a brief summary of the argument on both sides: Cons of flirting: Leads to confusion, could be easily misconstrued as an indicator of romantic interest, members of the opposite sex could lead each other on and send inappropriate signals, can be a barrier to deeper intimacy, a can lead to pain, heartbreak, and rejection Pros of flirting: Indicates a sense of humor, comfort with others, ability to build rapport, social ease and comfort, demonstrates romantic interest, can help begin/grow a dating relationship, is enjoyable and fun And here's my argument for why Christians should flirt (with some observations): 1) Flirting builds relationships.  It is a social skill. Like any social skill, flirting helps strengthen a relationship. Flirting has the specific intent of building rapport. It greases the s...

Jeremy Lin, by most accounts, is having a an excellent season. After sub-par season in Houston last year, Lin is meeting the lofty expectations that followed him after he left New York. And he is no less important of a role model to Asian Americans.  This encapsulates the argument Jay Kaspian Kang puts forward in a recent article . Kang acknowledges the difficulty of negotiating two extremes - on the one hand, Jeremy Lin is a really big deal and on the other, we should act as it's perfectly normal for Asian Americans to make the NBA. We don't have the luxury to pretend we don't need Jeremy Lin or act as if he's not that big of a deal. Kang writes: It's discomforting to say, but the Asian American community still needs Jeremy Lin as a rallying point. The "Chink in the Armor"  moment marked the first time in my life that we, as a unified people, voiced our outrage. Since then, Asian American outrage has become its own meme. Some video will come out ...

I see a man walking down the street headed towards me All sorts of issues in his life and knows nothing about God A broken man - you can tell these things - probably a dealer He is but he's not My son works on a pumpkin and I offer my help He turns me down and stiffens his upper lip  A rebellious boy - overly sensitive - wants things his own way He is but he's not The wife I love is frazzled and tired I hate it when she cuts me off while I'm talking A fearful woman long burdened with obligation She is but she's not I ride a bucking bronco of emotion Shifting from rested to raging in three seconds flat A tormented soul pushes away those he wants near I am but I'm not Our mortal shell bleeds rupture and weakness Some far away creature that dwells close by We follow the beast, cleaning up it's trail of damage  It is us but it's not Paul says we do not accord anyone to the flesh Because one died for all and w...

I asked my oldest son recently who he thought was more humble -I or a friend of mine. He replied without my hesitation that it was my friend. I laughed. And I get the irony.  A humble person would have never asked the question.  But unwilling to miss a teaching opportunity, I pointed out that just because people draw attention away from themselves doesn't mean that they're humble. That's modesty.  Humility is making others more important than yourself.  Modesty is thinking less of yourself (or at least minimizing attention on yourself) and that's only half of it.  I would argue it's the less important half. It's more valuable to think more about others than to try to stop thinking about yourself.  Asian culture values modesty but that's not the same thing as humility. Eastern culture is much more restrained in emotional expression and individual rights. This promotes humility but it's not a natural byproduct. You can be modest wi...